kalinganews

A Nobel for the Queen ?

2007-09-09T21:37:00.000+05:30

A Nobel for the Queen ?

My deepest apologies to my readers! The Sandha was ill and therefore forced to rest in the front of Naveen Nivas displaying his crown jewels to the world while he watched the Queen’s predictable antics! The Sandha is back, raring to gore ! Watch out!

Much against his wishes, the Queen was forced to visit Kashipur to see what this bloody cholera thing was all about. After trying to wish it away, he could not defer it for long, lest the moribund Opposition leaders make an issue out of it.

And a new thing was the publicity banners put up by the local BJD unit advising the people not to drink stream water.Where will they get their water from? From the phantom tube wells which were never set up but religiously billed by the RD department?

I was furious to watch the Queen on TV with his silly grin trying make head and tail of what the suffering tribal was saying from his hospital bed at Kashipur PHC. When the nincompoop has yet to learn the language what can he do for the “development” of the state other than sell all our mines at harek maal rates!

The Queen has never made an effort to find what happens to the hundreds of crores of public funds which are routinely funnelled to the KBK districts. Actually, the idiot does not have to look far! Most of it comes back to the Rajdhani as fat wives of class II babus throng the glitzy gold and diamond showrooms to offload the take! And who are the buyers of the numerous apartment blocks springing up every other day? These babus of course in the names of their servants, third cousin, minor offspring, etc !

Let the govt. order an investigation into the source of funds for each flat buyer in Bhubaneswar who has bought a flat during the last five years and the trail will invariably end at Kashipur or Thuamul Rampur.

Even when the Centre doled out Rs.700 crores as NREGS funds, it made little difference since a recent report alleged that at least Rs.500 crores has been siphoned off. The poor never got their job cards, never got their work to which they were entitled to as per law. Even when they worked, they were unpaid for the last six months. What was the Queen doing all along? Having his black dog pegs and prawn kababs ofcourse and dreaming of selling our last mines!

Kashipur ! The place refuses to vanish from media space. First it was the tribal killings which took place due to the displacement by the aluminium plant. Then came the starvation deaths and the shocking images of tribals subsisting on mango kernels. The final straw you will agree is the cholera epidemic! What about the development the protesting tribals had been assured of when Utkal alumina started its work several years ago?

The contradiction was glaring and obscene! Rs.4,000 crores is being spent on setting up a giant aluminium plant but yet the people in the surrounding villages were dying like flies in some Mughal period Indian town hit by cholera.

Cholera! The word evokes alarm and fear. I asked a few of my doctor friends about this disease and they had a brief idea about this since it was a very rare disease! None of them had ever handled a cholera patient during their internship and no professor taught them the treatment regime.

Trust Orissa to be the place where such medieval age diseases strike with impunity! The MOU obsessed Queen does not want to hear from his minions about hunger, child sale or the complete collapse of health services. If any babu goes to him without an MOU paper trailed by a fat cat safari corporate honcho, he is promptly shooed away by the single pocket babu in the Queen’s office who tells the Queen where to sign.

The Queen with his pious declarations about his undying commitment to tribal welfare should now be awarded the Nobel prize for hypocrisy. With his fluttering eyelashes he never loses an opportunity to wax eloquent about his fake love for tribals while ordering his police to shoot them if they protest displacement!

After returning from his whirlwind visit, he promptly despatched his health minister to tour the area. The Health Minister whose head is placed firmly on the chopping block is a disinterested man and is hardly bothered with the epidemic. He awaits his marching orders and bids his time till d-day!

I cringed when I heard friends in Delhi mention about people dying like flies in Rayagada and Koraput district due to cholera epidemic! The urban crowd was impressed by the way the Queen was attracting investments from all over the world and thought that the state has now truly come of age! Nobody told them that the govt. is now run by banias and MNCs and hence it is least bothered about citizen welfare! For the babus, it is only MOUS, MOUS and MOUs they work on every working day!

The health service in the mofussil areas is in shambles. No doctor, no medicines , no diagnostic services. Purchases made under the massive DFID funded Orissa Health sector development project were a big scam with the fat buffoon who served as health minister three years ago. Purchases were made from black listed suppliers and critical machines like digital X-rays and Ultrasound machines which failed even the basic technical tests were bought since hefty commissions were paid by the suppliers. May this devil rot in hell and may some incurable disease strike him for selling the future of Orissa’s health!

The state had come out with a grand scheme to appoint contractual doctors. For the grand sum of Rs.12,000 a month for the KBK districts and Rs.10,000 for other districts ! Will you get even a pharmacist for this sum!

Now ofcourse, realizing their big mistake, they have announced revised scales at Rs.20,000 odd which I doubt will also be enough since most of the places do not have decent accommodation for housing doctors.Can’t the state build a couple of quarters for the doctor and the pharmacist, etc. at every PHC?

Desperately seeking Kamal

2007-07-01T00:36:00.000+05:30

Desperately seeking Kamal

The Queen is nostalgic! After all those years spent in Orissa trying to lift the state from its grinding poverty (as he would like his jet set friends to believe) suddenly he remembered good old Delhi and his dear chum Kamal.

The Central Minister who was on a business call was shocked when he saw the Queen’s bored face! He was also pissed off by the fact that all his sincere talk about agro exports and how Orissa could benefit from being an organic state was pure Greek to the Queen who continued to glance at his watch wishing that the meeting come to an end. No less than three times, the Queen with misty eyes asked him “How is Kamal?” I cringe when I realize what he must be going through missing his dearest chum.

I am sure he must have remembered the games all Doon school boys played when the lights went out in the dorm! I can also bet my last rupee that Kamal must have been a really active playmate whom the Queen truly pines for! Hai Hai !

The Queen is now bored of all the politics and the shadow boxing and the rigmaroles he has play to retain his strangulating hold on the party. I truly pity him since he is missing his Scotch and kabab parties in Delhi! Now he hates everything about the state! The state’s paan chewing netas, the stinking slum ridden capital city, the stark poverty and the hot and humid climate has finally caught up with the Queen.

With governance at its all time low and law and order having nose dived and with the two penny babus in full and absolute grip, the Queen is suddenly wondering if he actually has a third chance. With NREGS a complete failure due to massive under spending and corruption, the poverty index just refuses to improve! I wonder if the Centre will stop all the anti poverty schemes in our state due to our supremely incompetent machinery.

If you guys remember, two days ago, the Reds closed down the NH-42 between Angul and Sambalpur and let loose complete mayhem. A truck was burnt down and they fired upon an adventurous group who wanted to break the bandh call. While the Queen with his florid face and kohl lined eyes continues with his endless reviews with that poet turned babu who runs the Home Deptt, the Reds are rapidly edging towards the capital itself!

The Delhi and Mumbai flights are now half empty as the mad rush of banias for MOUs has tapered off! Suddenly, every body is wondering about how many MOUs will finally see the light of the day! With the threat from the Reds, every bania operating in the tribal districts is now jittery! Displacement for industry is another major issue and no farmer is willing to believe that the state has the best rehabilitation policy in the country, however loud the babus may holler about this from the rooftops!

Ofcourse the lecherous alcoholic babu with a terrible public image who runs his office from the infamous watering hole of the city has taken upon himself the onerous task of assuring the biggies that their money is safe! How can a guy who is dead drunk by noon ever inspire any serious businessman? No wonder they flee the moment they are forced to deal with him!

The Koreans are fuming since the Queen and the single pocket babu in his office are refusing to take their calls. They are now forced to seek the Sardar’s munificence if they really want to see their project take off! The bald kabadiwalla's dream project for alumina remains mired in court cases and all the Queen's lackeys couldn't do anything to bail him out! His biggest land grab deal to snatch 10,000 acres in the Puri coast is also a pipe dream.

With such a sad state of affairs what else can the Queen do other than reminiscence abut his good old Delhi days! Oh how he misses those happy days when as a carefree bird he was totally free to dress up in his bright floral gowns, smear shiny red lipstick and put on those awfully loud earings and make his daily evening rounds?

Dying to be a Orissa cop!

2007-05-27T19:36:00.000+05:30

Dying to be a Orissa copy!

Oh, the bloody heat! It singes your face and saps your energy! When shall the heavens unfold? Nobody knows because our Met guys only say that the Monsoon has arrived after it arrives!

For the men in khaki, this is a killer summer! On top of the latest fake encounters in Gujarat , has come the latest revelations of the Bihari cop who has links with the Bihari mafia! Nothing surprising since in Bihar, they say that there are two kinds of criminals….the mafia and the uniformed mafia i.e., the cops!

This ugly Bihari policeman by now is as a familiar to us as the Big B since his heavily pock marked is flashed by OTV almost every day. Heard that terrified mothers are reluctant to allow infants to watch TV nowadays, lest they get nightmares!

With the major Oriya daily taking it up as a crusade, no wonder the lily white Queen had to blink and order an enquiry. The report is a fraud as the wily fox, our singularly incompetent DG has assiduously managed to keep the Queen happy. The trusted lackey filed a lukewarm report which just called for his suspension , nothing more , when it is known that the men who had requested him to fix up the appointment were planning a jail break! What about booking him for criminal conspiracy and attempt to help criminals ?

The Queen made a pious declaration that nobody will be spared if found guilty. The key line is “if found guilty”. I had a hearty laugh the same evening! The Queen at his eloquent best! Whom is he fooling? I knew nobody would be ever found guilty in Queensland. I am dead sure the Bihari must have taken care of the single pocket Babu at the Queen’s office since he is the guy who prepares the files for the moron’s final nod!

The same evening, the Queen must have with an enigmatic smile asked his trusted babu to look into the matter. Ofcourse, he meant with closed eyes! If the Queen really wants to screw someone, he could have gone hammer and tongs after him! Remember, how he let out his pack of hounds on the heels of the hotelier neta ?

The Bihari cop shot into limelight during the days of the real Kalinga Sandha i.e., Biju Babu when he saluted the old man everyday at his house. There are also stories that he had the old man in a honey trap! I am not sure of this, since I was not around during those days.

However, I do know that this Bihari daku in a cop’s dress with his meagre salary has managed to corner a dozen plots in the capital and runs a flourishing milk supply business. What an ideal cover to launder his booty! He even used to send his inspectors to threaten large hotels and restaurants to buy his watered milk. Given, his gwala qualifications, he should have been running OMFED instead of training policemen at his present job!

Whenever I think of our cops, I am regaled! Everyone knows what a bunch of jokers they are! Many are self proclaimed poets and dramatist whose eminent outpourings are forced down the throats of their subordinates. To please sahib, the thana babus are forced to confess that they have read their book and to sing paens to their non existent talent.

One senior cop with a bushy moustache used to head the film development corporation about a decade ago. He had a roaring time with the young wannabe starlets and actresses. Where in the world do you find a cop running a film corporation? Another top guy since retired was a Casanova and was a regular at the hep discos in town dancing away to glory with college chicks younger than his daughter!

While our police brass swill their scotch and twirl their moustaches before their wives and mistresses, the Reds steadily take over vast swathes of the state. And the Queen is too busy signing MOUs to read the writing on the wall!

Ah the stink of corruption which has now engulfed the Orissa police! Somehow the Queen’s pack of Vigilance hounds always overlook the corrupt cops, save the odd ASI or SI in some mofussil thana who dips his sticky fingers for a 500 rupee bribe! Have you ever seen them filing corruption cases against senior officials?

Prized thanas are being auctioned off and the highest bidder is posted there to rake in the moolah. For decades, inspectors continue to be rotated among different thanas in the same city or town. Why can’t they be shunted off to the districts after a three year stint in the cities?

And the luckiest are the non-Oriya cops who are posted as district chiefs in the industrial districts like Sambalpur, Sundargarh, Keonjhar, Angul, Jajpur ,etc. Somehow, the Queen’s clarion call to fight corruption has not reached them. Huge and unimaginable sums are pocketed by them to provide security to the fat cat banias who are now setting up industries and mines.

A bird told me that their average take is at least a couple of khokas a year! Some have even invested in hotels and commercial buildings in Delhi and Mumbai. To ensure a long life at their lucrative postings, they just have to please Uncle and the single pocket Babu at the Queen’s office.

If you guys have seen the glitzy palace built in Bhubaneswar by the media savvy Oriya cop who is posted in Mumbai you will realize how much a top cop can make if he is given a good post! And this guy poses as a moral crusader on TV and crows about his good deeds to clamp down on late night discos, errant filmstars, etc.!

Now talking of home country, the sweet faced cop at Bhubaneswar who is under the permanent protection of the Hon’ble Governor continues to cling to his post like a determined leech , notwithstanding the innumerable instances of security lapses during his tenure. Given his dismal performance, will anyone even give him a sepoy’s post ?

Recently, I heard a thana babu complaining that apples sent to his house as bheti were thrown out by dear Madam, as they were not imported! And everybody thinks he is an honest copy!

Dear Queen, will you wake up and clean up the cops of Orissa?

The terrified Queen !

2007-04-30T09:33:00.000+05:30

The terrified Queen !

The Koreans are fuming! After paying everyone in Delhi and Bhubaneswar, the much coveted land for the steel plant is yet to be in their lap! The Queen is also equally worried! He has to deliver the land, otherwise the Koreans are going to bay for his blood till he issues the refund cheque!

This month can be rightly called the Posco month. Oriyas in offices, paan shops and village squares hotly debated whether Naveen would order his police to march in on 15th April which was supposed to be the D- day. Whether the brave villagers of Dhenkia, Nuagaon ,etc would relent and give in? Babudom is equally apprehensive. No Posco means no foreign trips or jobs for their semi- literate children.

There was a strong build up of khaki clad police awaiting their orders to march in and take over the 4,000 acres odd of land which the stubborn villagers are resisting . Women , children and patriarchs in a rare show of complete unity and bravery have declared their opposition to the Posco plant.

The Queen who hates conflict fervently hoped for an “amicable settlement” in a peaceful manner whatever that means. The fraud has forgotten the hail of police bullets which mowed down 11 tribals in Kalinga nagar last year! He was terrified to adopt the "Kalinga nagar way" since the entire country’s media and human rights activists were breathing down his neck!

Amnesty International warned him of the consequences if the police assaulted children and women who guarded the bamboo barricades. The site turned into a pilgrimage as a steady stream of media persons and leaders trekked in. Readers were overwhelmed with a media blitzkrieg of Posco news every day !

It truly a war like situation with more than 2,000 armed policemen surrounding the 5,000 odd villagers who chose to cut themselves off from the outside world. Does the Queen think that this is some enemy territory which has to be acquired and the denizens thrown into the Bay of Bengal? Ofcourse, the single pocket babu in his office must have advised him to push in armed police since the Koreans were getting impatient.

Which democratic country in the world moves in heavily armed police to confront unarmed protestors who are protesting peacefully what they believed to be wrong? Everyone knows the Koreans have the Queen in their complete grip and he cannot even pee without their nod !

Will anyone of us leave willingly and peacefully if we are asked to shift from our homes? Why should we become puppets for some MNC which has come here to loot the state?

The grand old Congress chief seeing the public mood could not wait any longer. In a sudden turnaround, he announced that the party was opposed to forced takeover and displacement of people, notwithstanding the Sardar’s eager wish to see the project through. Ofcourse , this is classic Congress double speak.

Ultimately, the Queen had to politely suggest to the Korean chief who met him last week in the Secretariat that the company has to directly negotiate with the people who are losing their land and he cannot do much to help them. The chief was shocked to realize that the huge police mobilization and all the drama for the last few weeks was useless! Alas, only if the Koreans would have known this when they handed out the moolah to him two years ago!

The worst blow to Posco was the turnaround even by the people who had been carted in to speak in their favour at the public hearing on 15th April. Everybody opposed the port since they realized how much of damage it could cause to their fishing and farm lands.

I hope you guys know that the Posco deal is the biggest rip off in three centuries. In comparison the East India Company firangis were handkerchief thieves! The Koreans stand to make at least 100,000 crores alone from the sale of iron ore from their captive mines. They are being given 25% of the state’s high quality iron ore reserves. The Queen has happily sold off these mines for a song and his Swiss Bank accounts must be overflowing now with slush money !

Why should they even bother to set up the steel plant? All they have to do is to export the ore! Morever, the SEZ status would confer limitless benefits on them and ofcourse the state or centre would get nothing ! But do not think that the babus would get nothing ! They shall arm twist the Koreans to employ their offsprings and nephews !

May Lord Jagannath drive out these flat faced monkeys from our land and save the state from this disastrous deal!

The Babu Log

2007-03-26T22:34:00.000+05:30

The Babu log

Apologies for the delay ! Was neck deep in work and hence no time for play!

Babus of Orissa! I am always amused to watch them at work and play! As a child I have seen them from real close quarters as many of my uncles were in govt. service. Babu watching is pure entertainment !

Here is a very modest attempt to put down my observations and I hope my dear readers shall enlighten me further!

The English Lord:

A very dominating and overbearing personality with a strong paternal attitude towards his subordinates and subjects. He is the one who can take no nonsense from netas and is unperturbed when they threaten him with transfer. Has an excellent sense of dressing and is usually dressed for the occasion which is quite rare I must say nowadays. Does not step out without his shoes polished to perfection. His suit is impeccably pressed and wears it with a matching tie. Would rather die than attend office in T-shirt and chappals !

He was the last survivor of the “koi hai” Brit civil servants who forged the steel frame of the rigid Indian bureaucracy! Usually loved to smoke and drink but in absolute moderation. I still remember the aroma from the Havana cigars they smoked ! Also was a true gentleman who opened doors for ladies and rose when a lady leaves or arrives!

Almost all of them are now retired and now live a life of quiet solitude forgotten by their erstwhile admirers. Usually, this class was clean and even frowned upon routine “bhetis” like a big fish or a bottle of scotch!

They were very good in work and knew the rules by heart. Generosity and munificence were their two distinct hallmarks. They never hesitated to stretch the rules if that meant benefiting a friend or even the poor or weak. I truly miss them!

The First generation types:

These were the babus who joined the service in the fifties and sixties . Since they had excellent masters, they tried to emulate them. They used to attend office on time. Disposed off the files on schedule; usually carried out the orders of their superiors and attended to public greviances with all sincerity. Work was serious business with them and rarely did they shirk it.

Never thought of swindling the state exchequer! At the most did not mind a big fish or a bottle of ghee as a small gift from his supplicants but in general was not a devil who harassed the public for a bribe!

During disasters, they never hesitated to wet their feet and work hard to ensure relief to victims. Official tours to the districts were strictly work…………files to be checked, public greviances to be heard, work to be inspected, etc. Not like nowadays, when it becomes an unending night long binge with plenty of booze and kababs!

What a sad contrast today! Most babus arrive at 11:00 and depart for a never ending lunch break at 1:30 p.m. to return after 4:00 p.m. While most get their favourite siesta , a few do not think twice before swilling down a couple of pegs at the preferred babu den of Bhubaneswar! The Club which claims to be “proud to be in Orissa,” whatever that means!

The new Sultan :

A poor struggling student bright in studies makes it to the coveted All India service and life changes for ever! Chucking the memories of grinding poverty and the hard working father who struggled to pay his hostel and tuition fees, the lad quickly becomes the new sultan. He is happy to be snared into a mismatched marriage with a tycoon’s daughter who is desperate for an IAS son in law to get his files cleared.

Wife sneers at him since his salary would not be enough to pay her beauty parlour and kitty party bills! Dear father in law does not hesitate to send monthly gift cheques in order to enable son in law and daughter to keep up with the Jones.

Humiliated by the shameful arrangements, dear son–in-law soon acquires a repressed inferiority complex and usually degenerates into a hopeless alcoholic. In some cases abuses and beats up his wife to show the fat cat father in law that he is still the boss and calls the shot.

Wife usually does not like the in-laws from the remote village to visit them! She hates the sight of the paan chewing pa-in-law wandering around the Type VII quarters in a crumpled dhoti.

Son also feels the pain since he does not want to be reminded of those sad days when he had to beg and borrow to buy his books. Soon the old couple get the shocking message that they are unwelcome and stop visiting them! These babus are the most disgusting turncoats . I wish we could banish them to Sibera!

The Climber:

The third type are the state officials who get the much coveted promotion towards the end of their illustrious careers! Commonly mocked at as "promotees" they are rarely revered by their minions and subjects !

After being used to a lifetime of making camp arrangements for their Class I bosses in the outbacks of Orissa and hearing orders being barked out, suddenly, they realize that they have to take the final decision. Not used to this, they continue to send the files up seeking orders from dear boss even when they do not need to.

Unusually unctuous, they never stop trying to impress their boss with their groveling and attend to his every whim and fancy! They ensure that Madam’s every little desire from special pickles, to fresh prawns and crabs from Chilika is pandered to! This ensures that they continue to cling to their lucrative posting so that they can continue to bleed the state!

They continue to be people friendly and usually maintain a very good relationship with the local populace. They also do not hesitate to dip into the till now and then since through sheer experience, know the various ways through which public money can be looted. Assiduously, they go on skimming off the cream bit by bit so that by retirement time have a good house in Bubaneswar and a fat bank balance to fall back upon.

The Single pocket Babu

This Babu exercises a vice like grip over the administrative machinery but does it with extreme cunning. He rarely makes a public appearance, hates to see his name in the papers and prefers to miss powerful social dos. Though the least visible of all babus, every babu dreads him since the files sent to the Queen's office are done by him. They dare not rub him the wrong way! Otherwise, they will promptly consigned to Malkangiri where the reds rule the roost!

He prefers to hide but be sure to find him at all govt. meetings where important decisions are made. Even here, rarely speaks out unless forced to but is the real decision maker since the Queen has 100 % trust in him. After all does the nitwit have any choice, with his pea brained head ! Even the newspaper interviews of the Queen are written up by him !

Slowly and steadily puts his men in place at all important positions to ensure that his bidding is carried out. Soon the banias find out this and make a beeline to fatten his pockets. This is the guy who shall call up the district collector to ease your land problems, the police chief to get you security, the mines guys for your lease, etc. Must say the arrangement perfectly suits the banias since is a one stop departmental service! What the Queen calls " single window" but methinks it should be single pocket! Ha Ha !

Right now, this guy is the hatchet man of the Queen and rules his office! Meet the " single pocket babu".

Some kajal and lipstick please!

2007-02-04T21:54:00.000+05:30

Some kajal and lipstick please!

The Queen is now forced to do the thing he hates the most! Campaign for his party men who are fighting the panchayat and zilla parishad polls in the nook and corner of the state.

The lazy man has to get up and leave early for the tours to the boondocks of Orissa where fawning party men await him with hired crowds. Seeing the cheering crowds (Rs.50 + one free lunch is the going rate) lulls him into thinking about his massive popularity!

Given even a nano bit of a chance, he would opt for his sedate evenings at the capital when he can relax with his Black Dog and jumbo prawns and maybe a bite from the corned beef tin kept always at hand !

Just got to watch the Queen from real close quarters (almost at handshake distance!) at one of his election rallies. The cavalcade of vehicles preceded by the siren blaring police pilot vehicle swept into the meeting spot in a flurry of red dust. At least 15 private vehicles stuffed with dour faced partymen followed him.Yes, they were disgruntled because no sarkari babu or clerk ever listens to them! You see few could reap the benefits of their party being in power for 6 whole years !

Wonder who pays for all this ! The BJD party or the party men themselves? With the Queen’s clarion call to fight against corruption, the party must be real broke! Wonder how they print their banners and posters, lakhs of which are now found all over the countryside even in the remote hamlets!

In a spotless white kurta pyjama and with the fake smile on his puffed up face, the Party Prez was waving at the crowd. I was wondering what a great hit he would have been among his hand clapping sisters, if only he would smear some kajal and lipstick! A hundred hearts would have broken to smithereens! Hai! Hai!

The mikes blared out the BJD campaign spiel which he of course could not follow since it was in Oriya. How our most beloved CM is committed to the upliftment of tribals……….does it by shooting down the protesting tribals !

How he is working for development of western Orissa…………forget about state budget , central grants are left unspent for years together!

How he is dreaming to develop the state through industrialization……….so that banias can laugh their way to the bank with the loot from captive mines gifted at harek maal rates!

Alas, how long are we going to tolerate the Queen's chicanery with which he has been fooling us since the last 6 years! Any saviours listening ?

We may not be having world class roads !

2007-01-09T19:57:00.000+05:30

We may not be having world class roads!

Many of you must be having near and dear ones living abroad. I do not know whether you love or hate your “phoren” cousins. But I have a very dim opinion of the tribe !

The moment they leave the motherland, they undergo a major metamorphosis quickly shedding their character and attitude to everything in life. The deep change is glaringly apparent when they return after a couple of years.

A cousin of mine had come visiting us the condemned “natives” who continued to cling to their roots in Orissa, (Mind you that is their feeling, not mine!) We went on a trip to Puri and Konark. My cousin who makes at least 10 times what I earn forgot his wallet! Bhabiji though did have her purse, only had large notes which she ofcourse could not use to pay sundry expenses.

I had to shell out money for everything……..from parking tickets, food bills to the temple bhog ! NROs love to hoard their hard earned dollars!

The Lord’s temple was apparently too dirty for Bhabiji! She wrinkled her nose and went on complaining about the wet stones on which she had to walk with her bare feet. I dropped a bombshell to amuse myself! I revealed that even leftovers of meals people have at Anand Bazar are considered as holy prasad and is gladly eaten. She protested with wide open eyes: “How unhygienic!”

And the best part is that the lady who did her graduation at Bhubaneswar had left India the previous year only after getting married. See the change!

The biggest shock to the erstwhile importance of NROs is the total lack of requests by country cousins to bring them goodies. Nobody pleads with them nowaday to bring a much coveted pair of Raybans or Nike or the prized bottle of Scotch!

With liberalization hitting India, almost all phoren goods are now available here starting from zippy cars to Nina Ricci perfumes. In the distant past, when they did take the trouble of getting a Rayban or a Canon camera, they handed it out as if they had brought a piece of the moon!

I sometimes, wonder how can these guys for the sake of a career forsake their aged parents to rush off to the big Apple. As health care costs are prohibitive abroad, the ageing parents are usually left behind. The parents stare at blank walls and school memorabilia of dear son in the vast empty house pining for their dear progeny. Dear son, whom the doting parents educated at the best college is busy fattening his bank balance!

In fact, I pity the miserable lives the NROs live abroad! Behind the glitter of swanky cars and plush apartments is a life of toil and hardship and zero social life.

They will never tell you that the dollars they earn fetch much less than the rupees they would have spent in India. A cup of coffee costs 3 dollars or almost Rs.135 ! They can’t even dream of engaging a maid, or get a driver. A gardener in London will charge you 10 pounds (Rs.850) for an hour’s work. They have to wash their own clothes and iron them since laundries are prohibitively expensive and it is cheaper to buy a new shirt.

Even they have to learn hair cutting, since a visit to a barber shop in even a suburb in any US town will put you back by at least $ 30 or say Rs. 1200! And everybody expects a tip abroad! From the taxi driver to the barber to the hotel attendant!

NROs invariably look for a homely and docile Oriya bride for their lads since a gori bahu will never make coffee for the parents or be a home maker!

And the latest fad among some techie NROs is running websites where grandiose ideas are discussed by neo and semi literates who have the slightest idea about the state’s problems or issues. Many of them issue naïve appeals to the idiotic Chief Minister urging him to do something or the other. I have seen some of these websites and cannot but be amazed at the total lack of depth about our problems. I guess they indulge in this to satiate their innate desire to do something for the state without ofcourse signing any cheques or volunteering time here!

They never realize that unlike Chandrababu Naidu, the Queen does not know how to open his e-mails! And the minions who do so promptly trash them since they are not MOU related!

True we may not be having world class roads or airports. Again true that our officers are lazy and corrupt and the system fails to deliver unless you pull strings. However, we lead tension free lives without having to deliver according to deadlines. We have families and friends to fall back upon in times of crisis. Meet with an accident and ten friends will come rushing and do everything from getting you admitted to the hospital, donating blood and buying medicines. Unthinkable in New York or London !

We have cheap food, clothes and medicines without which life is impossible to live. We can definitely afford to keep drivers, maids or gardeners and not go broke!

So dear friends, I am in serious love with Orissa and am sooooooo happy to stay here!

Have you been blessed ?

2006-12-12T18:25:00.000+05:30

Have you been blessed ?

All roads in Bhubaneswar last week lead to the Janata Maidan! There was mad scramble when the jet setting soft spoken Sri Sriji arrived there last Saturday. For about two months mega posters of the smiling new age saint greeted commuters at all busy traffic junctions and roadsides of the twin cities.

I wonder why Babas require sales promotion like toothpaste and soap. If he does require a large crowd, the simplest thing he could have done was to make it free entry!

Ministers and top netas, business tycoons, movie stars and all others who matter and who are desperately seeking divine blessings to wash off their sins vied with each other for Baba’s kind gaze.

And the cream of the pudding was the dubious partnership with the sleazy Chancellor of the only private university who has an uncanny habit of hitching rides on the shoulders of celebrities to improve his credibility ratings! If you remember, folks, every few months he manages to get our dear Prez, the rocket man to inaugurate something or the other!

The unctuous operator usually hosts Baba on his visits to the state in his plush guest house. Wonder if he runs a university or a five star hotel! However, Baba does not discriminate between the crook and the saint like any other divine soul in this world.

Tickets being prohibitively expensive, only the rich could afford Baba’s darshan. If you could not lay your hands on a ticket, better fib about it, rather than reveal the truth. It was a sure path to perdition if you could not manage to make it to the Baba’s show !

The humble Maruti 800 owning chelas had to carry binocs to see the Baba who sat light years away from the janta. Fat banias with bejeweled sethanis, powerful babus accompanied by their elegantly coiffured wives, barishta sambadikas and ministers in spotless silk kurtas were the front benchers. And among this privileged crowd, the ministers were the most insecure lot since they always have nightmares in the day of the Queen kicking them out like used soccer balls!

The ignorant souls are under the mistaken belief that money and power can reduce the distance to Sri Sriji and salvation!

Special private audiences were granted by the great soul to bored housewives who drove up in their glitzy Skodas and Corollas to seek his blessings. Any simpleton can make out the cause of their suffering. Too much money and luxuries and nothing to do all day. What a bloody boring and empty life they lead!

Their fat husbands with bloodshot eyes were eager to get up at dawn and shake off the alcoholic stupor of late night drinking binges to make it. Joy eludes them since they hardly ever think anything other than winning contracts and fattening their bank balances. Baba has promised them to free them from all their worldly pains!

The stupid fat cats believe that wealth and happiness are directly proportional ! That life is only about slogging tirelessly to earn money. Only, if they would stop somewhere in their mad rush to just feed the poor in our state who do not even get a square meal to fill their emaciated stomachs !

This time, the dear Baba who vibes very well with the Queen had come to the MOU state with expectations. Yes he wanted some land to start an university and could the dear Orissa govt. help him out by giving him only 300 acres ? With an army of high profile bhakts firmly ensconced in the secretariat, who could put up a query, the favourite weapon of any babu who wants to stymie well laid out plans?

Baba had a smooth sailing and could manage to sign an MOU with the Queen sitting firmly beside him. But I do hope the government will charge him market rates, since the Baba can easily afford it and as we are a poor state we do need the dough!

What did I do to get inside the heavily guarded enclosure? Like any other bati pela sambadika I just tapped my reliable contacts and got hold of a VIP pass from the personal staff of a cabinet minister. If you are a true VIP, you get free entry. The 2 grand tickets were for the banias you see!

And did I get his blessings ? No way since I never tried to ! He is not God and neither is he his authorised rep. on planet earth. I honestly believe he is an accomplished yoga and pranayam instructor , thousands of whom you will find all over our great country.

Note: The previous post "The Faustian deal" has very interesting comments!
Readers may kindly see them!

The Faustian deal !

2006-11-23T20:54:00.000+05:30

The Faustian deal!

The latest get rich quick scheme which has hit the capital are news websites. If you are somebody who can strike fear in the hearts of banias, netas or PSUs , start a website. If you are not lucky enought to wield that kind of power, at least do you have a near relative who can do so ?

Do not wait anymore ! Start a news website and you will be deluged with ads! Never mind if your website is a few hours old !

Website veterans who have been struggling to keep their creations alive have to beg and borrow to keep up their desperate efforts . And I really pity those who run Oriya websites! Nobody bothers to give any kind of support to the language websites though everybody laments publicily that Oriya is in its death throes !

A guy who runs an immensely popular Oriya website which has a very interesting coverage of all issues related to Orissa, including a sizeable space devoted to NROs is yet to break even. The editor has to do everything himself, since he cannot afford to keep staff members to collect or write stories. No PSU or company gives him ads though he is struggling for the last three years!

Ofcourse, there are some quid pro quos involved if you want to start an ad attracting website.

You have to carry a review of the boring poetry written by the dumbass PRO of the PSU who desperately masquerades as a literateur to impress his bosses.

Or you have to carry sickeningly repeated news of how the company is working hard for the prosperity of the state (and ofcourse, bleeding us in the process) and so on and so forth!

And the worst thing is that you have lick the boots of the PR guys before they even agree to give you an ad ! And don't think the ad will come by courier or email. You have to run to them umpteen times before you see the order!

And the worst thing is the Faustian deal! You have to assure your benefactors that your website or your relative's paper or channel will not carry any story which may prick their public image!

By the time the ad is in your hands, you forget that you are a human being with a set of values or self respect!

Better to toil as an unskilled labourer and earn a honest wage. The Queen has thoughtfully raised it to seventy bucks a day now! You can buy a day's food supply with this kind of money.

Wonder how these new websites easily make it to the top of the rating charts!

If you are thinking that the editors must be pouring out megabytes of erudite postings which must be bring in the eyeballs, you are crazy! BS ! Nothing of that kind happens!

I have arrived at an interesting theorem. The amount of ads a website in Orissa attracts is inversely proportional to your content quality! The bottom of the barrel websites are the ones which are the most successful in attracting ads!

You just have to launch it and...

put out baasi khabar as hot news what you read in the morning papers,.... carry feeds from agencies,...have no editorial ever,... carry a photo of the daily demos in front of the Assembly .. and pshh you are done!

So my dear readers, start a website. Do not wait any longer.

But before you do, I hope somebody in your family is a barishta sambadika! Otherwise, you will not even get a gudaku ad!

POTSHOTS - NOVEMBER,2006

2006-10-29T22:02:00.000+05:30

Post anything about any topic through comments to this post .
Reactions to this by comments will appear in the main post.

This is unfair.Why are you all fulltime into Navee... This is unfair.Why are you all fulltime into Naveen-bashing?He is the best thing that has happened to the state in recent decades. And since I help him in all matters, I am good for the state also.Please learn to acknowledge all that is positive. Stop being negative.

Pyari Uncle 30.10.2006

POTSHOTS is a great idea.But K.Sandha please ensur... POTSHOTS is a great idea.But K.Sandha please ensure it doesn't get dirty. Kill someone with your words if you want to but chivalry should not be a casualty.Love You Sandha even though I am not a Gaai.

Anonymous 29.10.2006

POTSHOT

One Anon had wanted to know about the CMO's Big Boss Bijay Patnaik's trip to Rome ! Any idea why the gentleman is there ? A special treaty between Orissa and the Italian Govt ? To collect the (non-existent) royalty payable to Naveen Patnaik, the author (?) Any idea ???

Anonymous 30.10.2006

Hey KS ! I thought Potshots were already there on ... Hey KS ! I thought Potshots were already there on the main postings ? Trying to get others to write and lie back and enjoy heh ? Come on KS you dont have to resort to Potshots if you dont have the time. We can wait for one posting in a week. Surely you can find out time for us all ??

Oriya Toka 31.10.2006

Dear Kalinga Sandha

Where are you hibernating ?Don't you think Talsara poll result is just the beginning of the end for the BJD-BJP alliance ?It's a clear verdict against the present government's anti-poor and anti-tribal policies by a tribal dominated constituency.

Clearly, the defeat is a direct fall-out of the Kalinga Nagar firing and theattitude towards the adivasis who are treated as part of wildlife who need to be culled to fuel the industrial dream of kickback-lovingQueen and his brother in Delhi.

Anonymous 3.11.2006

May I humbly announce the sad demise of the Sandha?

The Sandha died young, after running out of both time and steam. His initial flurry of writings flattered, only to deceive. The expectations that were raised were quickly dashed as the quality plummeted and the frequency diminished.

Sandha would be remembered as a creature who promised much but delivered little. He attempted to gore others, but got mortally wounded himself. May his soul rest in peace. And his carcass rot without letting out stench.

Ahem.

Requiem 7.11.2006

No sign of life from Kalinga Sandha.Has he been wounded.. No sign of life from Kalinga Sandha.Has he been wounded/injured/hurt ?

Concerned Citizen 11/06/2006

SANDHA IS THE QUEEN AND QUEEN IS THE SANDHA. ANY C... SANDHA IS THE QUEEN AND QUEEN IS THE SANDHA. ANY COMENTS ???

Anonymous 8.11.2006

Government servants taking up jobs soon after reti... Government servants taking up jobs soon after retirement or resignation is an interesting phenomenon. One is not sure about the loyalties of such people in the months and years before such retirement or resignation. Were they working for Government or were they doing things at the bidding of their prospective masters?

Following are some names, by no means exhaustive:

1.U Saratchandran,formerly of IAS, now with IMF

2. CBSK Rao, formerly of the IAS, now with Deepak Fertilizers

3. P C Mishra formerly of IPS and now with Posco India Private Limited

4. Rudra Narayan Pani, formerly of IAS, now with Bhushan Steel

5. Swapneshvar Baya, formerly Secretary, Higher Education, now with Vedanta University

Now the question is: Who says there is unemployment problem in Orissa?

Observer 8.11.2006

Mr MoU, Leader of VJDMr Clean has quietly transformed himself into Mr MoU.

For some reason the gentleman believes Orissa is not a state but an estate that he has inherited from his father.What else can explain his madness ?First he became a Frankenstein for his own party and now he is about to gobble up the whole state !!!The latest information is that the gentleman has been held to ransom by that disgusting character calledAnil Agarwal of Vedanta.

Angry over the delay in all his projects, Agarwal has threatened to go public about the Rs 200 crore he has given to the gentleman during the last few general and by-elections. That is why the state government is burning midnight oil to ensure that the Amusement Parkcalled Vedanta University takes some shape.

I sympathise, for a change, with Agarwal. After all he has been telling the whole world that the Orissa government is in his pocket. It will not be long before BJD is renamed VJD i.e. Vedanta Janata Dal.

Anonymous 12.11.2006

Any idea how we poor Oriyas can get rid of MoU Patnaik ?

Can't blame the intrinsically passive race called Oriyas but how long can we tolerate someone who's not an Oriya or stakeholder to rule our destiny ?If JBs are bad throw them to the dustbin of history. But why lickthe feet of Naveens who are out to put the entire state to auction ?Dump him...and soon.

Let's look forsomeone who's rooted to the soil and cares for the people.

Anonymous 16.11.2006

Dearest KS,

Dare not try getting lazy?

Why have you ceased writing. Its terrible to see you like this. Prople who take the lisure to find fault should at least try to play safe.

It not that my likeness for you has decreased but just thought to provoke you to resume writing and freshen up your blogs for little writers like me.

Anonymous 16.11.2006

It has been reported that lecturers are expressing their protest on the streets of Bhubaneswar by mimicking cobblers and shoe polish persons. Some women lecturers are even reported to be posing as beggars for the photographs, for publication in the mainstream newspapers.

Now, can a cobbler or a shoe polish person not have a decent dignified livelihood? If this is the so-called protest for one day, how much pain and suffering should it be for persons who are condemned to have that lifestyle not for just one generation, but over successive generations?And interestingly, why should only women lecturers do the begging act? What about the men?

Do they think a beggar likes to do that humiliating act ? There may a few exceptions, but by and large begging is not a profession, which one would adopt unless a person finds no other alternative.

Why can't these lecturers find other alternatives?How many of these lecturers do not offer private tuitions at their homes or other places?

Observer 17.11.2006

The Sandha is hibernating. Yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ! Allow me a few days of rest my dear friends ! I shall be back ! Meanwhile, plz do on posting!

Hats off to the observation by Observer! What a beautiful insight! Every profession or livelihood (so far not illegal) is noble and should be respected. Has anyone ever tried milking a cow? I can assure you it requires great practice and skill. You might also get a kick from her rear legs !
And yet we do not consider a milkman worthy of our respect!

Have you tried to polish a shoe? I love the way , a cobbler can do it in a jiffy. With a few expert wipes, the shoe sparkles !

I also have sympathy for the teachers who I feel are paid miserably and never taken seriously by the Queen. No nation can progress if we do not respect and reverence for our gurus! That is the wisdom of the sages handed down over the centuries.

I am aware of the immense importance , a teacher or a college professor is accorded in the western societies. Many of them also work as key advisors to govt. and are involved in policy formulation and conflict resolution.

Would any of our babus ever dream of inviting say a professor of sociology to advise the govt. as to how to lift the BPL class from the depths of poverty ?

Kalinga Sandha 17.11.2006

Sandha Bhai, Yeh Kya Ho Raha Hai ?

Braj Bhai has been kicked out of Samaj but only after a kickback of Rs 50 lakh was negotiated between Manu Bhai the Patel and Pyari the Tout.

Ab Samaj ka kya hoga ?

Can the Dand ever Nirodh the invasion of Naveena charm ? Can Madam Manorama ever re-establish her poetic panorama ?

Chat-tey chalo Chat-tey chalo.

Anonymous 18.11.2006

Hi Kalinga Sandha!

Do you notice how Poppu the Puppe... Hi Kalinga SandhaDo you notice how Poppu the Puppet has now managed to force ETV Oriya News and The Samaj to act as his PR agencies ? Good work Pyare Mohan Uncle.

Anonymous 22/11/2006

Hey KAY ESS.

Have you read what a Times of India report from Jaipur says ?"

At present India has about 3,700 tigers. Kanha with 163 is on the top followed by Dudhwa 154, Corbett 152, Sunderbans 150, Pench (MP) 144, Palamau 141 and Simlipal (Orissa) 140.YES SIR 14O ( One Hundred Forty).

PLEASE SEE THE LINK:(http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/NEWS/India/10_cubs_in_6_months_at_Ranthambore/articleshow/)

Even the State Wildlife deptt officials will suffer from cardiac failure when they see this number ! For all these days they have been desperately trying to spread rumours that there are between 90 and 100 tigers in Simlipal but unfortunately there have been no takers.

Do you think the Jaipur TOI guy was high on marijuana when he wrote this .Or, do you think he was counting the hair on his arm-pit ?

(Anonymous) 25.11.2006

Give them Leo toys only!

2006-10-24T22:17:00.000+05:30

Give them Leo toys only !

The Queen was yet to recover from his Diwali booze bash when shocking news spoiled his fun! A senior cop has been shot dead by naxals.

The only thing which he hates more than a thick mustachioed youth is violence. Show him a violent movie full of blood and gore and he will wilt!

The entire country watched in shocked disbelief as the truth broke out late last evening. The officer had been shot by his own men! It was a stupid mistake. The human error which proved fatal!

However, the naxals did have the last laugh since they need not risk taking pot shots at the cops. What they could only dream off, was achieved by a bumbling PSO who obviously had never handled any firearm other than a Leo toy!

Shockingly incredulous news! A good upcoming officer who was known for his daredevilry was felled by his stupid bodyguard !

I am also equally appalled by the extremely poor information system which the government operates! Without ascertaining the exact cause of death, the Queen promptly went high gear in shooting off his usual missive to the Union Minister seeking two more CRPF battalions. He also announced a new battalion of ex servicemen to fight the red menace. The Govt. of India guys must be amazed ! Henceforth, the Queen's letters will be consigned to the trash bin.

Everybody knows our dear Orissa police! Sometimes, I seriously wonder why they chose to join the force! Many are accomplished poets and dramatists. Some of them are talented actors as well and excel on stage. In short, they are good at everything except police work! Sorry I forgot, they are also good at Republic Day parades where they turn up in carefully pressed uniforms with all their glittering medals and colour!

And the Home Deptt. babu is unique. He is a noted writer with a perpetually lost look! I think he lives in some nether world and is rarely able to make contact with mere mortals.

And the Home Minister ? The Queen himself who would scream out his lungs, if he saw a rat in his bedroom! Is it any wonder that the naxals are surely and steadily gaining ground while the Queen mulls strategy and sips endless cups of tepid coffee to find a way out?

Many of the PSOs are now armed with automatic rifles and carbines. I am sure none of the senior cops will now dare to sit beside one or in front of one. Now they have to first protect themselves from the accidental discharge of the escort’s weapon rather than look out for ambushes! Toys could be a valid option since none would ever believe that the guns carried by cops could be fakes!

I am sure the Queen will also now issue orders only to allow lathi wielding cops near him for his personal security cover. Must be terrified of the “gunman” which is the ultimate status symbol of many a North India VIP!

The red corridor has become a hard reality as everyone knows! Vast stretches of our state including more than 12 districts out of the 30 are firmly under their control. Ask the
contractors who work there. They pay a monthly hafta to ensure that their machines are not burnt down or their men kidnapped. Every week there is an incident somewhere in the state where the naxals kidnap someone or attack someone or blow up some building. And yet the government would have us believe that the leftists are on the run !

The root issue which continues to foster naxalism in the tribal districts is yet to be stamped out. Rampant corruption and siphoning of government funds prevents the state’s helping hand from reaching the intended beneficiaries. It is horrifyng to see the abominable living condition of our millions of staving tribals who dream of a single meal a day!

Yet, the Queen never fails to repeat ad nauseam that he loves tribals . Why doesn't he forego his fried fish with tartar sauce for a day to find out what hunger means !

Not a single top babu tours the districts , dreading the rifle shot! The power now stops at the borders of Bhubaneswar city and I doubt if the hands of the law extends beyond the district headquarters in most tribal districts. I used to enjoy the long drives through the 32 KV line from Berhampur to Koraput. Now I have to forget such sojourns. The entire road is now fraught with danger since one never knows if a bridge will be blown up or one’s car will be stopped by armed Reds.

Oh Lord Jagannath, when shall thy deliver us?

Labradors at the Queen's house

2006-10-17T09:13:00.000+05:30

Labradors at the Queen’s house

The Queen is smiling once again! Fawning ministers and bootlicking party men gathered outside his house to greet him on his 60th birthday. Soon, the birthday boy emerged from the cool confines to the waiting posse of TV hacks for the mandatory pose. He (she) has turned 60 and the hordes of admirers and netas had turned up dutifully to wish him !

However, the smile was strangulated! Not a genuinely happy smile fit for a birthday celebration. The jarring note was the face off with the feisty Medha Patkar the day before when she wanted to barge in with a brigade of anti Posco villagers.

What a different smile he throws up when he sees a handsome nattily dressed youth. He took elaborate pains to smooth down his kurta which hung loose over his rotund belly. The effect of the Scotch and jumbo prawns evenings are difficult to hide after 6 years of power !

The Paika Minister stood like a faithful Labrador waiting to greet his master. He had a huge bouquet of flowers to present him. The Mafiosi leader from Jajpur Road who now heads the finance ministry and whose fate after Kalinga nagar is still hanging in balance was hesitantly standing unsure whether he could shake hands or just do namaskar and hand over the bouquet and disappear before the Queen guillotines him !

Many ministers and party men were afraid to even go near, lest the Queen take offence! However, the tall youth leader from Nayagarh stood just behind the Queen to make sure that his smiling mug appeared in all TV visuals! This would ensure that favour seekers would fall at his feet and he would make his own little bit on the side!

Most ministers are never invited to lunch with the Queen. The few that are politely decline since they are aware about his love for hamburgers and corned beef. Since many of our ministers are devout god fearing mortals, eating even from the plate which is used for serving beef is sheer sacrilege !

And many of them do not relish sandwiches, fish cutlets or tossed salads for lunch. A proper lunch means a full plate of rice and curry. Without this they would faint!

The Medha incident was truly avoidable. However, when you have such useless and incompetent cops, what else you can expect?

The Orissa cops were egregious in their intelligence failure. How could they fail to cordon off the area when they found that the anti Posco guys were marching towards the gates of the Queen’s house? They had a full hour’s time! They cannot claim that there was no time to respond to the situation!

Some heads would have rolled the same evening in any other state. But ofcourse nothing happens here. Everybody hums and haws and it is back to business once again. I guess they think Lord Jagannath willed that this should happen !

But the Queen is definitely scratching his head for a solution to the Posco problem which just refuses to die down. With govt. officers and netas unable to enter the sealed off area, everybody is now wondering whether the plant will ever come up. I hope everyone remembers the warning issued by the Posco chief last week that if land is not handed over within a month, they will be forced to close shop.

The Koreans are plain idiots not to read the writing on the wall. With such a popular mass movement how can they ever think that the government will be able to hand over the land even in one year, forget the one month deadline! Their strenuous efforts to build a “bridge of friendship” by flying down teams of doctors to do cleft lip surgery and the liberal donations to local temples and youth clubs has truly gone down the Mahanadi waters.

No amount of bribes and allurements to the leaders could make a difference.After all, everyone in Jagatsinghpur district is a neta. How many can you buy off? The Koreans tried this but realized that it was a pure waste of rupees. And the beautiful Soo, their PR lady whom I truly miss, has also flown the coop. Who will sweet talk the hacks now?

Uncle could do little to defuse the Posco imbroglio. The Queen is worried that if the Posco deal plonks, the corporates would be wary of trusting the state government about its apocryphal promises to hand over land and the precious mines !

And woe betide if that happens! The first instalments of the booty the banias and firangis queued up to deliver, have to be refunded.

Can you show me one person in this wonderful earth who would gladly return easy loot ?

Give up the negative mindset!

2006-10-10T10:10:00.000+05:30

Give up the negative mindset !

The city is full of retired babus and academics who while away their time by playing with their playful grandchildren or indulging in idle gossip. But a few ambitious retirees refuse to be condemned to the four walls of their vacant houses.

The sudden loss of esteem and importance leads to an obsessive urge to be in some post or appointment to compensate their lost identity. They cuddle up to the powers that be for a coveted membership of some inane government committee or board. The lust for such positions ends up in these people becoming lumps of clay ready to be shaped into any shape as the establishment desires!

Welcome to the world of the bootlickers! A tribe whose numbers are rapidly growing in modern day Orissa.

One such prominent person is the “turtle lady” who retired as the Vice Chancellor of the Sambalpur University. This hag who should be actually spending her time at Puri eating “habisha” during the holy month of Kartik and doing puja for at least 12 hours of the day, has turned into the most loyal poodle of the state wildlife department. She has readily jumped into the ring to shield the incompetent wildlife department from the battering they have received during the wildlife week celebrations in the hands of a tenacious media which rightly exposed the complete lack of wildlife protection in Orissa.

This lady claims that Orissa is famous in the world for two things ………… Odissi dance and Olive Ridley turtles. And yes, if you have guessed it rightly, she coincidentally happens to be the undisputed expert in both!

Riding on the lap of the real Kalinga Sandha, she managed a effusive recommendation from the state government which fetched her the Padmashree award for her great contribution to Odissi dance. She managed to get herself nominated to all and sundry committees of the state government including the state wildlife advisory board .

Never mind that she must not have traveled more than half a dozen times to the field during her entire research career.

Senior media friends might recollect how she always used to call a press conference at the drop of a hat at Vani Vihar when she was the professor of zoology to announce her apocryphal research findings. Stealing the research done by her hard working students, she published papers lauding her achievements in growing limbs on frog tadpoles.

She also claimed in 1990s that heat determined the sex of turtle hatchlings. She carefully concealed the fact that many scientists have reported at least three decades before that heat truly determined the sex of any reptile hatchling including that of crocodiles and snakes, apart from turtles.

The 52nd Wildlife Week state level function was presided by a bored Queen with his pompous Forest Secretary in attendance. The Queen who loves corned beef and has stacks of the stuff in his house was invited to water a Tulsi plant on stage. What a major sacrilege! Where is the VHP! I hope some Hindu washes the Tulsi plant with "Ganga jal" to purify it.

In her speech,this faithful official stooge wondered aloud as to why the media focused on only negative things in the state. As if anything positive ever happens in Queensland! She also offered some sage advice. The media and the public should free themselves from the “negative mindset” and look around to appreciate the wonderful things which the Queen is achieving in all fields .

She was particularly irked with the media attention the dying turtles receive every year. The most classic statement was “So what if 10,000 to 15,000 turtles die every year? We should not be worried. We have 7-8 lakhs of them.” Somebody should remind her that the death of a sea turtle is the same as the death of a tiger since both are on the Schedule I to the Wildlife Protection Act. Was her statement a passport to the Rajya Sabha ?

This must have sounded like the mellifluous notes of Vivaldi's Four Seasons to the Queen's ears who has faced media flak for his failure to check turtle deaths on the Orissa coast. A few months ago, the Queen’s posh Aurangzeb Road house in Delhi was besieged by Greenpeace volunteers who dumped rotting turtle carcasses before his house.

A bird told me that she also carried a copy of the “Down To Earth” to show it to the Queen at the function. She had authored an article about the status of the gharial crocodile. Ofcourse , due to her utter ignorance, she had wrongly mentioned that the zoological name for gharial as “gharial gangeticus” . Anyway, the major faux pas could hardly be noticed by the semi literate Queen who politely nodded his head in appreciation as Madam went on expounding!

This hag has truly proved to be the biggest enemy of the turtles of Orissa. She was flown by the Indian government to depose before the WTO appeal tribunal at Zurich when the US imposed a ban on import of Indian shrimps due to non-use of the Turtle Excluder Device (TED) in fishing trawlers .She gleefully testified as a turtle expert that there were no turtle deaths in India caused by fishing trawlers.

Whenever, I see the lifeless putrefying carcasses of sea turtles on Puri beach, I remember this traitor!

May her soul rot in hell!

The Queen's puja gift!

2006-10-03T08:17:00.000+05:30

The Queen's Puja gift!

Finally the long wait is over! The names of Chairmen of various PSUs and co operative banks were announced last week by the CM’s office.

It had 27 names in the BJD list and 12 names in the BJP list who were posted as Chairmen of various corporations and co operatives. One of the men in the 27 members was the secretary of a department who had been given charge. Since when have government officers become active members of political parties?

As the news broke over the evening bulletins, the appointees were jubilant. Since it came through on the eve of the pujas, it was truly a puja gift to the party men, never mind that 2 ½ years of the regime was already over! The enigmatic Queen was playing the waiting game to ensure that his flock and that of the Bania party stick with him. Delaying the appointments was the brilliant brainwave of Pyari our own Machiavelli! But the duo had no choice, since Panchayat elections were knocking and with disgruntled party men the party had little chance at the hustings !

Party workers and supporters started calling in to offer their profuse congratulations. Surprisingly, the new appointees were hesitant to respond to their warm greetings, since in their heart of hearts they knew how powerless they were in the babu driven Naveen administration! They could not even appoint a temporary peon or even place a purchase order of 100 bucks without the nod of the corporation’s MD . Further, if they badly wanted to consult their MD on some pressing matter, they have to take the pain of getting up and walking across to his room since he will willfully ignore their request to come over.

Most of the PSUs and co operatives are bankrupt and I doubt if they have the money to even pay for the petrol of the Chairman’s car. I guess some of the illustrious Chairmen will have to come to office in their own vehicles. Whew what a change ! That is true Gandhigiri! Lage raho bhayas!

In a singular display of ineptness, a transfer order issued on the same day which preceded the chairman appointments order had posted a babu as the chairman and managing director of the Civil Supplies Corporation. A BJP neta was also appointed as the chairman as per the evening’s announcement. Two persons being appointed by a government order for the same post on the same day ? Ha Ha!

This is the way the Queen’s babus work, my dear folks. Zero competence and nil accountability!

All the while the Congresswallahs are laughing away to their heart’s glory as they mock the BJD-BJP appointees. What a far cry from the halcyon days of the eighties when most of the corporations and co operatives were flourishing . Being newly set up with massive infusion of public funds, the chairmen usually had a plush office with an array of personal staff including a couple of cooks and maalis for the house as well.

The first thing on the new Chairman’s agenda when he joined was to renovate his office and his house with vast doses of public funds. Though there was no salary, fake TA bills and reimbursement of expenses compensated them adequately. He also ripped of his cut from each and every purchase which again was in crores in those days .

In those golden days of yore, the Chairman’s word was gospel truth and no MD however righteous and honest could dare to violate his diktats. The Chairmen happily forked out liberal favours to all and sundry including party men and chamchas.

However, must say it was disgusting to watch these pompous Congress bastards zoom around in red light fitted white Ambassadors and see them throw their weight around! These semi literate idiots who could not even understand a single page of their corporation balance sheets did not have the qualifications to be make it to the clerks’ post!

I am sure you will agree that no Chairman in the Queen’s dispensation will ever dare to even place a purchase order for a packet of office pins without the nod from his MD. He will lose his job overnight and maybe even find himself thrown inside Jharpada if the Queen unleashes the Vigilance bloodhounds!

The best thing to do in my opinion, is to post professionals who are experts in the respective fields as Chairmen or Directors of the floundering PSUs and Co operative Banks and pay them a decent honorarium. These appointments should be apolitical.With their guidance, our corporations and banks could be run properly and efficiently !

But then what will happen to the out of work netas who could not make it to the Assembly! Let them wait for the next elections and let them not be rehabilitated in our insolvent corporations! When shall the Queen with this loud claims of transparency and accountability ever understand this?

I guess I have to approach the DFID to make this happen in our state ! After all they decide government policy in Orissa.

The hunt for the Sandha!

2006-09-26T10:11:00.000+05:30

The hunt for the Sandha!

Who is Kalinga Sandha?

This single question has been agitating the minds of my readers since June when this blog was first launched. Some people opine that he could be only a media person since who else could write ? It is understandable that readers do carry such an opinion since the media wields enormous influence in Orissa!

But, honestly speaking are members of the media the only literate class of people in the state? But this doubt is strictly for academic purposes! I am not saying that KS is not a hack! He could be one too! I can only confirm that he or she is a human being with net access! Nothing more.

And I am not also saying if KS is a true “he” or a “he” with “she” qualities! In Queensland, the Basanta (Basanti) or rather “he(she)” people form a sizable portion of the local population !

Others guess it could be a disgruntled government employee who is hitting back at his seniors and the Queen as the blog never fails do throw mud at the top brass of the state.

Oh yes, I know about a few guys who are obsessed with finding out who is KS ! In fact, they are using all spooky techniques to dig out KS’s true identity! Somebody is trying to trace the IP address of the postings while someone is trying to match the write up style with that of published articles .

I sincerely pray they do not waste their time by using the dubious talents of the antediluvian Orissa Police’s cyber crime unit to join the hunt! If they do, there is the distinct possibility of the super efficient OP waking up the largest bull sleeping in front of Lord Lingaraj and producing the bewildered animal before the local magistrate!

However, nobody ever claims that it could be a neta for the simple reason that nobody believes that any Oriya politician with his microscopic quantity of grey matter could write a blog!

For me it is the most unnerving experience to see my blog being discussed at parties and gatherings. It turns truly surreal when I helpfully pitch in with my weighty comments. But I hum and haw and look at the ceiling when the talk veers around to the identity issue! I hit back usually with a counter question …… “ Do you know who is this KS bastard?”

But the common refrain is......... “whoever it is, he really hits hard!” I vaguely nod agreement while my heart leaps to hear the praise! I have to fight hard to control the irresistible urge to lay claim and shout to the world that KS is standing right before them! And don’t be surprised if KS soon turns into a schizo ! Don’t know how to tackle this serious identity crisis with the double life I lead !

I had to wholeheartedly abuse KS at many parties with the choicest abuses to ensure that the finger of suspicion does not turn to me! It is a weird feeling and I am not sure if I enjoy or hate it!

Many babus religiously read the blog to ensure that their holy names are not in the hit list. Ah they sure have all the time in the world to do so as everyone knows our babus are enjoying one long vacation at least till the Queen’s regime ends!

Unfortunately, nobody can ever felicitate me and invite me to the classic "Sambhardana" ceremony to be garlanded by giggling album starlets and force me to listen to boring spiels on my dubious achievements! Poor KS is doomed to remain in the shadows for the rest of his life!

Any guesses about KS ? Is he a media person? Is he someone from babudom or is he an academic in a local college? Keep on guessing folks and join the hunt! And yes do tell me if you find him/her !

I must say I am enjoying my blogging ! A thousand thanks to all of you for sparing your valuable time to participate with your lively and spunky comments.

Keep it up readers!

A Fiat Padmini was enough !

2006-09-19T23:35:00.000+05:30

A Fiat Padmini was enough !

Behind the closed doors of India’s biggest industrial finance bank , has been worked out what could be also India’s biggest financial scam. Away from the prying eyes of hacks and couched in unintelligible financial gibberish, a mega loan settlement deal has been scripted in which the largest Oriya corporate has been given relief worth a couple of thousands of crores!

Every Oriya who has grown up during the last 4 decades in the state has heard about the indomitable IMFA group. The company which manufactured ferro silicon and ferro chrome flourished in the sixties, seventies and even in the eighties since competition was absent and sale prices quoted were non- negotiable. It was touted as a successful Oriya enterprise which did the state proud. Ofcourse, now the profits have plunged to a meagre 9-10 crores a year !

However, a dirty secret pooped up and spoiled the party! The company had been a regular defaulter of their power dues ! As everyone knows, ferro alloys consume humungous quantities of electricity and the key to profits is to minimize the cost of electricity. The Pandas always ensured that the power minister and the OSEB guys were in their pockets. The buzz was that any Chief Engineer who joined as the Chairman of the OSEB was gifted with a new Fiat Padmini. A bribe worth the grand sum of Rs.40,000 in those days!

However, with electrical reforms on, power utilities could no longer be silenced with lollipops. Officials zealously pursued the oustandings once OSEB became GRIDCO. From that date, the company’s fortunes nose dived !

The second chapter unfolded in the eighties. After the elder son of the patriarch completed his foreign education he returned with grandiose plans. The group bought the shut down Kalinga Tubes unit at Choudwar (owned by Biju Pattnaik a really close family friend) and set up a 100 % EOU charge chrome unit by borrowing huge funds from a consortium of foreign banks.

Unfortunately, this gamble also failed for two reasons. First, the rupee was devalued in a major way in 1991 to tide over balance of payments crisis. Overnight the loans just doubled. Secondly, there was a sudden surplus in the international charge chrome markets as South Africa and Phillipines entered the fray. ICCL was in a real bad soup.

A lifeline was thrown by the Tatas when they agreed to use the plant for purely conversion. However, soon trouble broke out because of the Sukinda Chrome mines. Both companies were locked in a pitched battle over the mines lease and the uneasy marriage failed .

The foreign banks wanted their money back. For some years, the Pandas could stave them off with generous court orders by using their well oiled connections since the son in law was a relative of a top Oriya judicial functionary. However, the firangi banks had a real good case and the stay orders were a temporary reprieve.

It became an international embarrassment for the Indian government since the respective embassies relentless pursued the matter like pack of foxhounds. The government of India had to step in and bail out the group. A consortium lead by IDBI took over the loans and saved the company from sure liquidation.

Blame it on a combination of faulty management policies and just plain bad luck, the company continued to flounder. Insiders blame it on the elder son’s ham headed American management ideas which just did not work in Bharat. The Bada bhaina was also quite a party animal and was reputed to have an eye for PYTs. He maintains a huge farmhouse in Delhi to which the rich and famous were invited for grand parties thrown by the rich industrialist (rather biggest debtor) from Orissa.

As soon as the young scion returned from the States, he breathed a sigh of relief as he quietly handed over the reins and started courting the Queen for a Rajya Sabha seat. Joining politics was de rigueur if he wanted to save the company from sure oblivion!

The loans had shot up to Rs.3,000 crores with Rs.2,300 crore owned to IDBI alone and the group acquired the infamy of being the largest debtor to public sector banks. What a combination, a bankrupt state government and the biggest corporate defaulter!

Since 1996-97, the auditors of ICCL had categorized it as a “sick company within SICA provisions which means that the company had to be restructured with a possible change in management control or had to be liquidated.

In 2002-03, IDBI offered to settle their dues for a measly Rs.500 crores as final payment, though they could have taken to the Securitisation Act which empowers the Bank to acquire the assets of the company. The only condition was that the family jewel i.e., IMFA where the Pandas control 99 % of the shareholding has to be merged. Being an MP in the ultra corrupt NDA regime did help. The largesse of Rs.1,800 crores could have financed two KBK plans for 5 years ! What a mega gift of public funds !

As per the terms of the merger, each shareholder will get 1 share for every 14 shares held in the ICCL. Shareholders cried foul and demanded a swap ratio of at least 4:1.Right now a court case has been filed in the Orissa High Court challenging the swap ratio by disgruntled shareholders.

And the elder brother who can never win a seat in his life prefers to be nominated to the Rajya Sabha , backdoor style and spouts pious speeches about the state’s poverty and development .
Why doesn’t he pay off the total dues of IDBI and others before he mouths such BS! He also keeps the local media happy by throwing a grand party every year where booze literally flows like Mahanadi in full flood!

I guess the Panda boy is another e.g. of the Queen’s double faced policy. Lock up BDOs and Tehsildars when they stretch their hands for a couple of thousands, but send crooks who loot Rs. 1,800 crores to Parliament !

Long live the Queen and his band of crooks!

Not another wedding!

2006-09-11T08:09:00.000+05:30

Not another wedding !

The bell rang aloud! A relative had come to invite me to his dear daughter’s marriage. Oh not again! I was sick of attending such parties.

Compared to the simple and delightful ways in which marriages were celebrated a few decades ago, they have now turned into ostentatious occasions, where people vie with each other in a vulgar display of wealth. So many people are invited that it becomes difficult to even stand peacefully without being shoved aside, forget about sitting!

I avoid attending VIP marriages since you are a nonentity in such grand events unless of course you are a cabinet minister, a top babu or the editor of a leading newspaper. You will rarely meet the VIP host prior to or even during the wedding. Certainly, no VIP or his wife will ever visit your humble abode to invite you !

VIPs have a whole army of sidekicks who carry out all chores; from delivery of invitations to greeting guests at the venue. Of course the luminary will come rushing if somebody whispers in his ears that a big shot has arrived! VIPs only deign to greet VIPs! I wonder why they invite ordinary mortals who never get a chance to greet their host.

And I hate the harsh video lights which catch you just as you are going to pop that succulent piece of mutton inside your mouth! You feel like a thief caught stealing. Makes me lose my healthy appetite immediately!

In the not too recent past, we used to enjoy marriage parties. Aunts, sister in laws and grannies used to arrive to advise the anxious mother and the bride about the various elaborate ceremonies, the costume, ornaments, the gifts for the groom’s relatives, etc. It also provided a wonderful opportunity to exchange family gossip and paan!

For 3 - 4 days before the D-day, we used to have mini feasts every day with the noisy kids scampering all around the house. For us, it was an enjoyable holiday as we could escape from boring school lessons!

A marriage ceremony used to be a sort of catwalk, where gawky nubile girls would gingerly wear their first saree which sort of signaled to the world that she was in the “shaadi market”. I remember, how awkward and embarrassed they looked in their inappropriately draped sarees, since the obstinate pallu would keep on slipping despite desperate attempts to keep it in place.

If the proud mama announces that her son had joined the state government as an officer, it would immediately evoke the interest of the gaggle of women with maidens to marry off. At the same time, the poor girl would be wondering if her father could afford the fat dowry which a “sarkari babu” would demand. Ofcourse, nowadays, MBAs and computer guys are preferred, as sarkari babus are passé unless ofcourse they are IAS or IPS !

Sometimes, it is quite a pain to attend 2-3 marriages on a single evening. It is just like going on a Durga Puja mandap tour, hopping from one venue to another! You scarcely get the time to greet people or have a proper bite!

Food is another sore point with me. Wholesome and tasty fare is extinct! I remember the elaborate sit down dinners we used to enjoy a few decades ago. It was a normal 6-7 course tasty Oriya meal with a basic non vegetarian item mostly of fish or mutton.

There are umpteen number of items displayed on the food tables but most of them will be dripping with oil and masala and rarely would one find a tastefully prepared dish high on taste and light on the belly.

I miss the traditional Oriya items like mudhi ghanta, fish mahura, chencheda, mutton curry with potatoes, kheer, fish curry, mango khata, lemon rice, etc due to the onslaught of kitsch food. Nowadays, Punjabi food like Naan, gobi matar, matar paneer, butter chicken find place with ersatz Chinese food like fried rice, chowmein and chilly chicken.

The twin cities have a terrible dearth of professionally competent caterers. They can cause major embarrassment to the host as food is likely to go short, or be of dubious quality and taste. Most hotels in the twin cities serve shoddy and tasteless food, obviously prepared by semi trained cooks. Some like Swosti Plaza serve leftovers of one banquet at the next feast which leads to food poisoning. Never eat there !

Due to limited number of serving tables, crowds swarm around the food tables. Reaching the tables is a task more difficult than climbing Everest! Many a times, I had to return hungry after lying to my solicitous host that I had truly dined well!

The bloody caterers play games to make super profits by ensuring that food intake is reduced. The waiters serve you a single tiny piece of mutton or fish and look the other way if you do not move away! And the bhadralok guests feel embarrassed to ask for more!

I have seen diners milling around food tables with empty plates waiting for second servings. His man assures the guests that fresh servings are on way. What guests do not realize is that this is a carefully orchestrated pantomime! The head waiter would be rushing towards the kitchen shouting at the assistants to bring in food, but nobody would respond. After an endless wait, guests finally leave in disgust!

Want to see how a crowd behaves at a food relief center? Visit the ice cream table in a marriage venue. It is invariably mobbed by a circle of squabbling kids and pushy mamas to get a serving. Why does ice cream fascinate everyone?

Why can’t we have properly organized marriage parties in the twin cities? Let such occasions be truly memorable for the guests who take the pain to accept the invitations!

Laptops can beat poverty !

2006-09-06T08:26:00.000+05:30

Laptops can beat poverty!

The Prime Minister was coming! Suddenly, everyone kicked into action ……the somnolent Orissa Police, the dozing babus of the Secretariat and the paan chewing peons loitering around the corridors! The Sardar was not here to holiday! He had come to review the KBK works!

Everyone knows that the grand KBK plan has been a monumental failure with little work to show on the ground. The doomed tribals continued to starve and migrate to Andhra Pradesh and Chattisgarh, while crores of rupees were siphoned off. The only guys who benefited were the owners of the plush jewellery showrooms in Bhubaneswar who raked up record sales of gold and diamonds bought by happy wives of KBK officers.

Families of babus of Bhubaneswar and Cuttack used to dread a posting to the boondocks of KBK! However, since the last 6-7 years, no wife cribs that dear hubby has to rough it out in western Orissa. Everybody now drools over a KBK job! The chance of a lifetime to pillage!

However, rain did play spoilsport when the PM arrived. I can never forget the hilarious sight of the Queen hitching up his flappy trousers with his dainty fingers,as he gingerly made his way over the wet tarmac, careful not to wet them! Ah only if he had worn a chiffon designer saree!Would have made a lovely Page 3 picture!

Careful not to mouth any idiotic statements during the Sardar’s stay, the Queen suddenly became voluble after the IAF plane had taken off! He lamented the neglect of the state, forgetting that his babus have been regularly returning central funds due to their sheer inability to spend. In fact, many Central sponsored schemes had to be whittled down due to our incompetent and supremely lazy babus.

However, can’t blame the bureaucrats totally, since the dumb Vigilance watchdogs breathe down their neck and sniff a scam whenever big money is spent. Woe betide the babu who approves the expenditure! He might be locked up in Jharpada jail after a few years when the Queen needs an image boost!

Lord Jagannath saved the Queen! If only, the PM could have made it to Bolangir and Koraput, he would have been shocked to see the rampant diversion of poverty alleviation funds. The district officials lead jazzy lives splurging the funds on air conditioners, designer bathroom tiles, IBM laptops and tonnes of junk equipment in their crusade to fight poverty !

The poor continue to starve without a livelihood! I feel disgusted to see the stark images of emaciated and distressed residents who Ethiopian refugee like, quietly starve in their pitiable hutments, waiting for the mai baap sarkar. Meanwhile the overfed babus and netas zoom around in their luxurious SUVs on their mission to eradicate poverty!

The Queen should stop puckering up his flabby face and spout his fake concerns for the KBK poor. Why doesn't he stay in one of these leaky huts for a week if he wants to improve their lot? Ofcourse, I do wonder if can he ever get the time for this. Won’t banias like Anil Agarwal and the junior Ambani be disappointed if they do not find him waiting to sign MOUs at Bhubaneswar?

All KBK schemes are mired in the cesspool of corruption and the sundry government welfare schemes have miserably failed to lift the poor from their abysmally shocking poverty. I dare the Queen to prove that the lot of even 100 poor families of KBK has improved after the scheme was run.

I do not think even 50 % has been actually spent on the ground. The worse part is that the amount which was spent was wasted since useless schemes which never delivered were executed which hardly benefited the target group.

Just hear about a few success stories about the KBK plan as touted by the state government. Apparently, they formed the Sankumari VSS to protect the Podagad RF under Umerkote Range on which they spent over Rs.12 lakhs from 1998-99 to 2002-03 to carry out plantations over 170 hectares of degraded forest land.

The most ridiculous claim is that over 20 Quintals of Amla was harvested in 2001-02. How could the VSS claim success, since Amla tree would take at least 8 years to mature and yield fruits?

In the Hatapeta Nala mini watershed project an amount of Rs.37.8 lakhs was spent apparently to benefit 9 villages. But there are no figures of the pre project and post project per capita income of the beneficiaries. How do you evaluate success if you cannot compare these two sets of vital figures?

From 1998-99 to 2004-05, a total of Rs.943 crores was allotted, out of which the state claims to have spent 914 crores. Rs.169 crores is for Planning and Coordination with a major portion for roads. For plantations they spent Rs.112 crores.

As expected roads took up 169 crores! Everybody loves roads and everyone knows that KBK roads exist only in the UCs sent to the Centre. And even if they are built, they get washed away by the first monsoon showers! The best way to loot!

On development of agriculture Rs.61 crores was spent. There was measly 7 % allotment for agriculture. Developing agriculture could have stemmed the mass migration which should have been the focus all these years!

A juicy amount has been spent on plantations ……almost 13 %. The forest guys are the happiest lot since they got lots of moolah. A PCCF who has since retired used to go on his infamous KBK collection tours and return with bagfuls of cash.

There is no measuring yard for success since plantations can always fail due to drought or be lost to termites!

The KBK hoax continues and shall do so for the next 100 years, but nothing shall change for the cursed poor of these districts!

The "Stop" and "Go" city!

2006-08-28T14:17:00.000+05:30

The "Stop" and "Go" city!

Open the pages of the supplement of any English local daily and you will come across city specials devoted to the booming city of Bhubaneswar. Do you believe these fairy tales? Many a new comer will be easily fooled into thinking that the city is truly rocking and is one of the best places to work and play!

The city does not rock, it sucks and is fast turning into an ugly and unregulated urban hell hole !

A visitor driving down from the airport will be pleasantly surprised to find the clean open roads inside the airport area, devoid of traffic or people. Only when he hits the Forest Park square and takes a right turn, he realizes that he hast just driven into yet another Indian city of chaos with disorderly parking, overflowing garbage heaps, encroached footpaths and bold bulls freely wandering on the streets!

Welcome to the city of bulls! Since, Lord Lingaraj is the presiding deity, these animals enjoy special privileges! Massive specimens stare at you nonchalantly at every crossing and main street. You will also find them leisurely sprawled on the arterial roads enjoying an afternoon nap with their over sized testicles proudly displayed to the hapless motorist.

The most hilarious are the traffic cops manning the crossings who use hand signals like kathak dancers! Since the traffic lights usually malfunction, they follow a quaint Mughal era signaling system. Two signal boards with “STOP” and “GO” are displayed alternatively. The problem is in the dark hours when you need a powerful flashlight to decipher the message !

The city’s magnificent skyline which was once dotted by the awe inspiring temples has totally disappeared, since it is completely taken over by ill planned apartment blocks, mobile phone towers and giant hoardings! Bikers and drivers crash into each other as their attention is grabbed by the titillating giant hoardings with blowups of appetizing female models which greet them at every city crossing.

The city has also degenerated into a slum city with every open space full of squatters and shops. In fact, the best way to settle in the city is to become a slum dweller. Politicians will woo you and will be happy to make you a voter and provide you with ration cards, water and electricity connections. NGOs also need slums since they raise money to improve their lot. They have been doing this since the last 3 decades. No slums...... no funds !

Thousands of roadside shops, cabins, vegetable vendors ,food carts block half of the roads and parking lots, leaving hardly any space for the traffic or pedestrians to walk. Don't be mistaken to think that this happens in some far away Jharpada or Sailashree Vihar.

You will find fruit stalls right next to the Queen’s house at Aerodrome Square. Bangladeshi refuges have set up garment shops which block off the police DIG and SP’s official residences. The empty spaces in front of the Secretariat and other government buildings have also turned into bustling markets for vegetables, gamchas, toys, tools, etc. Talk of high security at our state government offices ! Ha! Ha!

When the babus can’t even free their own residences and offices from the encroachment menace, how can we expect them to clean up the rest of the city?

The Paika and the tall Royal minister are always at loggerheads over the eviction issue. While the Royal issues orders to bulldoze the slums, the Paika sabotages these moves, since he is frightened of losing his captive vote bank! And the Queen smiles, enjoying the turf war in the bania party! And everyone knows he is too impotent to clean up the few rickety fruit and pan stalls in front of his own house, forget about the city!

The public transport system is non-existent, forcing people to use personal transport. This leads to a gargantuan parking problem. Deployment of say 200 town buses could solve this problem overnight. The auto rickshaw mafia is another menace which is throttling the city. Not a single auto uses the meter though everyone has one and the brazen transport officers are too busy collecting their monthly hafta.

The real estate mafia has strangulated the city. Illegal multi storeys have been put in every conceivable open plot of land. One 7 storeyed building which has shockingly come up next to the exquisitely carved Mukteswar temple has destroyed the unforgettable view for ever! We should hang our heads in shame! Why doesn’t the BDA raze this apartment block?

Gory carcasses of goat and sheep hang on the roadside in full public view since at least 500 mutton shops operate illegally. The BMC warnings do not bother them since the payoff is a measly 1 kg of mutton delivered to the concerned guy every Sunday!

The bear faced brief less lawyer turned BMC Mayor is too busy licking the Queen’s feet in his daily display of unabashed sycophancy . Where is the time to do his real work? However, must say that the ass is a fast learner since he parrots the Queen’s usual inanities by announcing that he and the BMC are looking into the problem which would be solved within a few days! Somebody should tape his mouth so that he stops bullshitting anymore!

Only the main roads leading from the airport to Infocity, Secretariat and Janpath are kept in good repair. This is done to ensure that the Mittals and Ambanis will at least arrive in one piece to sign their MOUs! The internal roads are a shame even in posh areas like Saheed Nagar which resemble the Iraqi war zone with gigantic potholes and wornout tarmac. Even all powerful Uncle is helpless to get the repair work done !

Yet, the babus claim that the capital is destined to become a Tier II city! My foot! The way things are going down the drain or rather choking (since the drains are blocked), the city fathers can forget their dream. Folks watch out, the once beautiful temple city with truly sylvan surroundings will soon be lost for ever, unless we wake up and kick the city babus into action!

When is the final sacrifice?

2006-08-21T10:03:00.000+05:30

When is the final sacrifice ?

Wonder what is the most dreaded event in a babu’s life? His retirement! Ever seen a babu after retirement? Overnight he shrinks and becomes half a man. The miserable soul withers away, abandoned by fawning friends and obedient flunkies. Depression strikes him once he realizes that the adulation and reverence disappears after “superannuation”. I wonder who invented this deceptively harmless term that in effect sentences him to spend his sunset years in utter loneliness.

But not so for “Pyari dear”. This babu who was grand old man’s trusted lackey plays a decisive role in the Queen’s era. No major appointments, deals, promotions are done without his nod. In fact, he has become an institution all by himself and as Anon rightly claimed, closeness to the PIMP (Pyari Institute for Miserable Pigs) ensures a golden path for his chamchas.

Both netas and babus vie for his attention and many a babu has got lucrative postings and protection due to his blessings. The top departmental babus wait for his green signal before signing important files. A group of so called Pyari group MLAs religiously gather at PIMP every day for feet licking, which no doubts boosts the old babu’s flat ego.

The Queen loves this delightful state of affairs! Pyari is the shield behind which the queer peeps! If anything goes wrong, he can always blame Uncle since he is the one who decided.

He is the party’s one man think tank and attends all meets and advises the party members about all political affairs………from handling the opposition to gathering crowds. The grapevine says that slush money from all large govt. purchases are delivered at Saheed Nagar as he is the sole party fund raiser.

This wonderfully clever arrangement ensures that the Queen can truthfully claim that he is clean since he doesn’t touch the loot himself!

Due to his ruthless politicking, he is the most hated man by party men who resent a man who has never fought an election in his life. The netas are livid that an ex-babu controls the party! I agree since, this must be the only state in the country where a babu has become more powerful after retirement!

I was present at a gathering where BJD netas were betting upon the size of the angry mob which would ransack his plush residence, should the party be unseated. And I bet the biggest crowds would be sent in by the dissidents!

For quite a few months, Uncle was cannon fodder on the front page of the leading Oriya daily which went after him hammer and tongs! Then the wise man decided to fight back. He came up with an Oriya daily whose circulation even after 2 years is laughable! The editor is a well known notorious cheat who is on the run after whacking a couple of crores from the ORHDC and fleecing gullible flat buyers in fraudulent real estate deals. Hiding under Uncle’s arms ensures protection for this chor who should have been locked up inside Jharpada long ago. And Uncle always talks about freeing Orissa from corruption!

The hypocrite never loses an opportunity to mouth platitudes to the poor tribals of the state and how his heart cries for them. At the same time, he doesn’t blink twice before ordering district collectors to shoot down unarmed tribals protesting against eviction for steel plants.

Once he said that he would “like to be born as a tribal in his next life!” He forgot to mention ………“and be displaced by the Naveen Patnaik government.” Somebody should tell the devil not to strain his weak pace maker driven heart so much… otherwise it may crack up!

Election means mela time at PIMP. The all powerful Uncle decides the party tickets since the Queen hates to deal with zarda and gutka chewing smelly netas. I have heard credible stories of how aspirants have to lick his cracked foot soles for the party ticket.

And after the party man is elected with a sound mandate, the wily fox sets up the MLA’s main party rival to cut the ground under his feet. He doesn’t want him to last beyond 5 years lest he became too powerful and fail to dance to his tune!

I hope you folks remember his shocking Machiavellan strategy during the last polls. He replaced most elected MLAs with unknown newcomers! To him, every MLA is perfectly dispensable just like a use and throw three rupee disposable syringe!

Almost all the big mining and steel deals used to be finalized by him before the banias met the Queen. However, nowadays big ticket deals are thrashed out at Delhi far away from the prying eyes of local hacks.

When it comes to the crunch, I am sure, the Queen will shame Moses in making the final sacrifice! With his fake smile, he shall not hesitate to throw Uncle to the wolves, if ever he needs to make the ultimate move to fool the 40 million Oriyas!

No Page 3 crowd here !

2006-08-14T10:29:00.000+05:30

No page 3 crowd here!

Finally Assembly is over! For the last two weeks, work at all govt. offices had come to a grinding halt with the single excuse that the Assembly is on. Transfers, promotions, work orders, payments, permits, clearances, notifications, etc. everything was on hold!

What ultimately happened after our dear MLAs deliberated, shouted and gesticulated over serious matters of state? Did anything change for the janta? Better roads, clean hospitals or good governance? Unfortunately, nothing changed!

The Queen sat through the entire proceedings with a bored pain-in-the-ass look on his puffed up face. Nowadays, he is able to decipher spoken Oriya and his party men do not have to strain to speak fifty fifty Oriya-English while haranguing. But he has yet to speak or read the local lingo.

It is an enigma which political pundits cannot explain ! I am at a total loss to come up with answers when my friends from other states ask me how he is so popular though he does not even know the language! I guess because he is not one of us !

An MLA was complaining to me bitterly the other day about the deplorable attitude of the imperious babus who are forced to troop to the House when matters related to their departments are discussed. He said that the way they sat with their hands sprawled all over chair and bodies leaned back, it appeared that even the presence of the CM did not evoke any gesture respect! He lamented that they never deigned to greet MLAs or treat them with courtesy.

I laughed at him and told him what a fool he was! Did he not know that our babus are incorrigible and have jumbo jet size egos? When the Queen can’t even go to the loo without their nod, how could he expect them to salaam the 5 year term holder netas?

Nowadays, the party TV channel ensures that a few MLAs do get their two minutes of fame by inviting them to their studio for discussions. These shows get hilarious when you have guaranteed dumb head netas being asked to expound on current political issues.

Green horn anchors expectedly get imbecilic answers when they ask equally stupid questions like: “Why do you think Naveen Pattnaik is popular?” Or, “Are you happy with the flood relief measures?” or gems like “Do you think the tribals are unhappy over Kalinga nagar?”

There is an ex commie fire brand MLA belonging to Napoleon’s political party who loves hurling thundering accusations targeting the Queen! I have seen the Queen’s forced smile wilt under this gentleman’s fiery assault. Similarly, the young Delhi educated MLA from the Congress who never loses an opportunity to fulminate on all sticky issues, is the Queen's bete noire.

It has struck me as quite strange the silence of the ruling party MLAs when the government is under siege. Rarely does anyone stand up in defense. The graprevine has it that they enjoy the rare sight of the Chief squirming under the Opposition's broadsides.

Not a single party MLA has an iota of respect for the Queen after seeing his dreaded Machiavellan moves in his short political career. Who knows if he shall give them the party ticket the next time? None can forget the ruthless political games played by him . The way he has kicked out senior party men, would even put Judas to shame!

We have the jatra owner MLA who excels in melodrama whose best career would have been playing the lead villain in his opera shows. He is undoubtedly a character whom Oriya mothers can invoke to lull their little babies to sleep. With his terrifying bloodshot eyes and unshaven face, he can be easily mistaken for an escaped convict from Jharpada jail! The dimwit just mutters a few dialogues from his jatras whenever asked to react on important issues!

The Queen never trusts him though he is supposed to be the party's goon leader to lead street fights during the elections. Though he is desperate to become a Minister for gathering the loot, the wily Chief is yet to agree.

The obese “Puri Sandha” is a disgrace to the House. With his unbuttoned kurta exposing his forested chest and with the thick smear of vermillion on his glistening forehead, he does look like a Hindu fanatic about to brandish his trishul and shout “Jai Shri Ram!” He has got into trouble many times in the past for forgetting his role as the moderator in the house and acting as a faithful barking dog of the ruling party.

He is also believed to have a hand in the Puri land scam. I am sure the Queen is waiting for the right time to sacrifice him in his inimitable style! How does the Queen who has high sartorial standards tolerate this buffoon? Methinks for a start he should ask him to button up his kurta! At least when the House is in session!

I know the Queen hates the hullabaloo and the theatrics in the House! Poor guy, does he have a choice? I am sure he misses the page 3 crowd at the scotch swigging Delhi 5-star parties where it is infra dig to shout. And where gliterrati talk never goes beyond the latest abstract by Hussain or the latest burning cause espoused by Arundhati Roy!

He hates the uncouth paan chewing netas . But with his remarkably obscene obsession for power, the party animal can forget the glitzy drag dos of Delhi and New York, if he wants to see fawning party men and the cheering crowds!

Relief at last!

2006-08-07T09:46:00.000+05:30

Relief at last !

Good news for you folks!

The ubiquitous Bhai has been finally nailed! No, no it is not the D’Bhai whom Bharat sarkar is pursuing! I mean our own B’ Bhai whose cherubic mug used to stare at you from the front page of the oldest Oriya daily, almost every other day!

How the mighty fall! Bhai has been securely ejected out of the venerable institution which he had almost destroyed by his venality. Now he has been assigned a noble task! Relief and charity! You shall now see Bhai wading through muddy slush during the annual floods generously handing out dhotis and saris to the needy. Hope the fat slob gets washed away by the swirling waters of the Mahanadi on one of his relief trips!

If you remember folks, a few weeks back, he was the most sought after chief guest for every gathering. The hosts pushed and shoved each other to stand next to Bhai for that much treasured photograph which would announce to the world that they also knew Bhai! Forget the half educated netas! I have seen highly qualified doctors and professors standing before Bhai hands folded in abject supplication to seek his blessings!

I had the misfortune to listen to a couple of his hoary speeches. Beyond thanking his hosts and praising their efforts for organizing the function, the cretin had little else to expound. What else could he say with his pea sized brains ? Wonder if he can even write a single page of error free Oriya prose!

Phew, what a relief for us! During the last five years, Bhai reigned with an iron or rather steel hand, making the high and mighty dance like puppets. The moment, a politico was made a minister, visiting two places was fait accompli! He had to see Lord Jagannath by choice and Bhai by compulsion to pay his obeisance! His career would be doomed from day one if he failed to salaam him. Who could dare to defy Bhai’s terrifying pack of hacks?

During his golden days, Bhai was surrounded by his unsavoury cronies. The dumb sona wallah cum hotelier turned editor of the free hand out colour weekly, the half literate and unctuous Chancellor, the sleazy real estate tycoon of Cuttack, everyone sung his praises at the daily durbar!

Bhai and his chum, the racketeering Chancellor together zoomed off to Sri Lanka for their much needed fake doctorates so that they could claim that they did their Ph.d in a foreign university!

Bhai’s popularity travelled beyond the shores of Utkala. He wangled an invitation from the Oriya Society of Americas, thinking himself to be some kind of astute ambassador of the state!

During his reign, Bhai ensured that his paper’s editor who is the grand old man’s daughter had to plead to him, even if she wanted the office car to visit Bhubaneswar. He dismembered the entire coterie of trusted baristha sambadikas of the daily who had once upon a time enjoyed unfettered access to the corridors of power. It was pitiable the way he made them grovel like emasculated poodles! Bhai’s awesome moves made everyone pee in their trousers! It was understandable since any day, they could be unceremoniously chucked out.

Bhai’s total take is supposed to be well over 30 crores! Must say the bandit did really prosper, if you remember his past when his first chore in the morning was to wash the Vice President’s car. With his meagre driver’s salary, he could barely manage to save enough to help his impoverished family back home at Mayurbhanj.

Bhai did blaze a terrific path of success, which is shockingly possible only in the land of Kalinga. What else do you expect in a place where mediocrity rules supreme?

Why are the Tatas obsessed with white?

2006-07-31T20:21:00.000+05:30

Why are the Tatas obsessed with white ?

Have you seen a leech? It attaches itself painlessly to your body and sucks your blood till it is full and then drops off quietly. Usually, you do not even notice it! The entire process is designed by nature to be painless, so that you do not realize and protest.

That is the closest description I can give of the Tatas. The biggest and fattest leech which has fed on the blood of Oriyas since the last 100 years.

I think this should be the ad line for the steel makers .........…“we loot Orissa and make steel too”.

The elite Tatas and their philanthropy! Which Indian has not heard of the omnipresent group! Seeing the papers and TV full of their social activity ads, I seriously wonder when do they ever get the time to make steel ?

Beating the drum of corporate social responsibility (CSR) when the term was unheard of in India, they managed to deceive us over the last 100 years.

If you folks, can remember, not so long ago, a Tata employee was a prize catch in the marriage market, especially in a poor state like Orissa where people pine for secure salaried jobs. Ofcourse that was in the Mughal era before Reliance, Infosys, Satyam and Essar blazed their path in the corporate firmament !

I know quite a few gentlemen who still revere these bandits as God. They laud the social service done by the Tatas who never mind building a few schools, colleges and hospitals for the poor masses. I would rather die than consider treatment in a Tata funded hospital! Do not wish to surrender my soul to the Devil, Faustian style!

How successfully have they been hoodwinking successive governments of our state since the last 50 years!They have not set up a single steel plant in the state though they have been sitting on prime industrial area at Gopalpur since the last one decade.

The phantom steel plant issue surfaced to silence critics whenever the question of renewal of the lucrative iron ore mines came up. And how do they handle the demanding babus? Cash is a strict no no. Rather they generously appoint their offspring as executives, never mind if they passed out from unknown management institutes.

They have ripped off mountains of iron ore from Orissa at ridiculously low royalty rates. At least,Rs.100,000 crores worth of ore has been looted from our state over the last century. Money which every Oriya has lost!

At the abandoned mines at Gorumahasini in Mayurbhanj,not even a blade of grass grows anymore and locals find it difficult to get even one meal a day.Yet the common Oriya believes them to be the leaders in philanthropy. Why? Because they have make a big fuss about the tit bits they throw to the poor, which is invariably backed by a powerful advertisement campaign.

After the tragic firing at Kalinga nagar where 12 tribals died, the company immediately washed off its hands from the issue saying that it was the government’s job to hand over the land.How convenient!

Do our prestige conscious SPs and Collectors ever stand guard like watchmen to oversee the construction of boundary walls of private companies? But how could they refuse when the powerful Tatas have the Queen and his courtiers in their steely grip?

The group achieved a total group turnover of Rs. 79,912 crores for the year 2004-05. They made a pre tax profit of Rs.11,833 crores. And how much they did spend for charity? The Sir Dorabji Tata Trust disbursed Rs. 44 crores in 2004-05 and the Sir Ratan Trust disbursed around Rs.51 crores. Add to this about another Rs.50 crores odd spent directly by group companies on sponsorships of sports and events and the total does not exceed Rs.145 crores.

This measly amount is approximately 1.22 % of the gross profits ! Actually, the Rs.50 crores handed out as sponsorships for events should be left out, since they get free social advertising for boosting their brand name.I am sure that the total expenditure for Orissa is not more than Rs. 10 to 15 crores. Now that is the real truth of Tata charity once you rip off their façade of benevolence!

Must say, that though most of the Indian banias do not spend even this paltry percentage of their profits on charity. Yet, the sum doled out by the Tatas is a laughable amount, too small by any standards to make them qualify as the messiah of the poor and the needy.

Remember the profit is artificial, derived at the cost of the public exchequer since they grab a non renewable resource like iron ore at ridiculously low rigged prices, helped by the every ready netas and babus of the state. Let Tata Steel pay for iron ore at the market price of Rs.2,850 per tonne instead of getting it at the rate of Rs.26 per tonne as royalty and you can imagine what will happen to their share prices!

They usually paint their office buildings an immaculate white and dress up their liveried peons, drivers and attendants in spotless white uniforms.Why this obsession with white? I think it is a self delusion move to hide their stained pathway to success!

However, no amount of white washing can hide the blood stains of the dead tribals of Kalinga nagar which are clearly visible to the entire world.

P.S.: Kalinga Sandha wishes to gratefully acknowledge the dope sent by "Kick the Tatas" for this post

A true son of the soil !

2006-07-27T10:15:00.000+05:30

Dear Friends,

The following comment by Oriya Tokia deserves a main post. Hence I am posting it. My sincere congrats to the gentleman who wants to strive to improve our lot! Read on............

Oriya Toka said...

Dear Sandha,

Orissa does not seem to produce great leaders any more. The only one we could see was Biju patnaik the real Kalinga Sandha. Can we see you coming out as another Kalinga Sandha (not on the paper...sorry web)??

Jokes apart, I think we Oriyas should ignore everything else like which political party, what background, what age, what experience etc. and just concentrate to elect a "Leader" who is aggressive, loud, learned, clever and fast.

Then and only then can we prevent the Ambanis and Mittals taking us for a ride. Check out J.C.Mohanty the IAS officer who took voluntary retirement from his position at Hyderabad to serve the people of Orissa and help us recover our self esteem. See this -

Land beckons: IAS officer quits job in Andhra to take up social cause in Orissa.

While the Principal Secretary, Remote Area Development J C Mohanty has tendered his resignation after 27 years of service in Andhra Pradesh to go back to his home state Orissa and work for poverty eradication.JC Mohanty, who has already chalked out a future plan to work as a facilitator in Orissa, said that he would do something for "Mo Odisha" campaign.

In an interview to the Pioneer Mohanty said that the campaign aimed at inspiring the ordinary people of Orissa that even they can do a lot for the development of the State."I recall the time, when India Today carried a state ranking and Orissa came on last but one position.

In every indicator Orissa was placed among the lowest levels. I have done my service in Andhra Pradesh for 27 years and now I should go back to my state and do something for the poor there", he said."The main purpose of my campaign is to improve the living standards of the poor and to increase their income.

Everybody should think about his state and do whatever is possible. It is not the question of spending Rs five lakh or 10 lakh. You clean your street teach a kid and give emotional support to a depressed person, do something for the society. If everybody starts thinking like that there will be a big difference," he added.

Mohanty's future plans includes coordinating with the agriculture universities that are expert in horticulture, fisheries and animal husbandry and bring them together with the people to work on a poverty alleviation and income generation programme.

Analysing the reasons for the poverty and backwardness of Orissa, Mohanty said that unlike Andhra Pradesh, the ordinary people of Orissa were not enterprising."Compared to other States, nothing has changed in Oriss in the last 55 years. Orissa has not progressed much. According to the Orissa development report 2004, South Indian States have 87% poverty and Northern Orissa only has 50% poverty", he said.

Mohanty said that there could be many reasons for the State lagging behind. Stressing that he was satisfied with the Government service, Mohanty said that he found the work atmosphere quiet favorable in Andhra Pradesh.

When asked why the IAS officers from Orissa were so successful in Andhra Pradesh and not in their own state, Mohanty said that there could be many factors behind it."Here the work environment is very good. Even if politicians try to interfere or influence, they will not touch you if you are doing a good work. Here the conditions are very favorable for working and taking initiative. Perhaps it is lacking there in Orissa. I do not know because I have not worked there", he said.

Mohanty had an excellent track record of service in Andhra Pradesh and successfully held many key positions including the head of the State finance corporation, head of Hyderabad Metropolitan Water Board and more recently, Principal Secretary, IT. "Now I would like to utilize this experience to bring about a change in Orissa and contribute to its development", he said.

No pen drives this time !

2006-07-24T10:11:00.000+05:30

No pen drives this time !

Welcome back on this busy Monday morning! Sorry folks, with Bharat sarkar playing net nanny, blogs were down last week!

Yet another tycoon has touched down at the normally deserted Bhubaneswar airport! The chhota Ambani arrived even before the ink had dried on the kabadiwallah’s university pact. He announced the mother of all investment proposals! 61,500 crores !

It was hilarious to hear that one of the world’s biggest semi-literate non ferrous metal crook has decided to set up a world class university to churn out Nobel prize winners and Olympic champs. Does the idiot think that he can bribe the Nobel or Olympic jury, the way he buys up our netas and babus?

Our hassled babus have just no time nowadays to push files and meet ordinary folks like you and me! Much against their wishes, they have to wear their stuffy suits in this bloody humidity and turn into waiters to usher in banias heading for MOU land. And later on they also have to put on fake grins before TV cameras to play act and nod approvingly about the fairy tale project announcements.

With all this talk of mega crores, I am sure child sale and starvation deaths will be only found in historical films on Orissa! Nowadays, if you arrive for an MOU which is less than 10,000 crores, even the liftman at the Secretariat will not talk to you!

Without Lord Jagannath’s blessings nothing happens in the poorest state of India. Therefore, the first thing which our gujju bhai did was to drive straight to Puri for his blessings. The wily bania knows that to win the hearts of the trusting Oriyas all he has to do is offer a free zarda paan or announce his devotion to the Lord!

There was a mela at the Conference Hall as our dear media bhailog pushed and shoved their way in, determined not to miss out anything. Actually, the hacks thought that bhai would also be distributing pen drives like the bald marwari lootera did a few days ago. But the only thing the stingy gujju gave away were free smiles, nothing more! Sorry, no pen drives this time!

The Queen for a change did not have his usual pain-in-the ass look on his florid face. Rather he appeared to be genuinely interested in the proposal. Ah, now I am sure the first instalment has been already paid at Delhi! Seriously wonder if the Queen has fallen for the junior Ambani, with his muscular build and clean shaven chikana face!

And the grumpy CS was looking like a character from a Hindi movie of the 1970s with his mediavel ill fitting suit and the extra along tie. Again the stupid Paika Minister as usual was looking like an unwanted gatecrasher! He preferred to sit right across the Ambani, though he hardly got a glance from him. I hope the bania remembers to throw him a few crumbs after he takes care of the Queen! Ha Ha!

A few days ago, uncomfortable question were raised by dear Napoleon, the Queen’s dreaded bete noire about how the Ambanis are yet to pay up their Rs.2,000 crores dues to the state. But who is bothered about such a piddly sum when we are talking about Rs.61,500 crores?

Guys, I am sure, you must be aware that the much touted electrical reforms in Orissa is one huge fountainhead of corruption! AES had similarly vamoosed with Rs.400 crores of public money. In any other country, the dacoit would have been arrested the moment he stepped out of his fancy jet.

But can this ever happen in Queensland where mega crooks are feted while Tehsildars and BDOs are promptly locked up in jail for pocketing even thousand bucks?

I need a blunt knife please !

2006-07-19T11:14:00.000+05:30

I need a blunt knife please!

A recent TV story jolted my attention last week. The victim of the 7 year old Balasore sex scam has mustered courage to approach the courts afresh by filing a fresh petition against a top babu of our state.

A PIL filed in the High Court earlier, did not yield results since the central investigation agency did a thorough job in shielding the accused. The Womens’ Commission had also failed her miserably. I hope you guys can recollect the large faced whore who was the chairperson in 1999. This easy bitch who was the willing bed partner of several Congress top guns ensured that the victim’s cries of protests were officially stifled!

Whether he is guilty or not, the courts will decide! But let a fair trial first take place and let the rat explain why he asked the girl to meet him at a flat instead of his usual office?

I was enraged to see the spunky girl on TV asking society as to why she has to fight these evil forces all alone! She wondered as to why no one is coming forward to support her? She also pointed out the constant harassment from goons who want to silence her pitiable cry for justice!

This babu with an overflowing libido was a powerful one in the Congress ministry, when he was ruling the roost with the drummer CM in the chair! While the acclaimed joker was busy drumming, this guy was looting the state. He also never lost an opportunity to grab any female who came his way! In fact, this rascal has a terrible reputation of being an incorrigible womanizer and alcoholic. His father in law who is a powerful Congress leader always bailed out dear jamai babu from any major trouble!

Have all of us become impotent in this shameless state? Is this what happens when the Queen reigns? And why is the Queen reluctant to suspend him? Ah, I am sure our omnipotent babus have his nuts (wonder if he has any?) squeezed between their dreaded files. Everyone knows that the imbecile can’t even breathe without their nod!

And where are our screaming NGOs who never fail to hold grand workshops and seminars in posh hotels to discuss women rights? Why are they hiding? Their deep concern for women rights is ofcourse limited to the luxurious confines of fancy hotels! For all you know they will soon raise funds to host another stupid seminar to study the current case and its hoary implications on the future of women rights!

No civil society outfit in Orissa will ever dare to expose the misdeeds of a babu! How can they, when they think that a babu is the eleventh avatar of the Lord!

I wish this would have been a Arab state! I would have been delighted to hack out this randy babu’s family jewels and his exhausated tool with a blunt knife and hung them in front of the state secretariat.

This would be a grim reminder to the rest of the ilk not to play around with women!

One dal or subzi will never do !

2006-07-13T09:06:00.000+05:30

One dal or subzi will never do !

Just like an illiterate African tribal fails to realize the true value of the jewels in his backyard, so also we have failed to realize that our cuisine is one of the best in the world!

Only when you live outside the state for long periods and do not have a loving Oriya wife or mother to cook and serve your favourite dishes, you will start missing your good home made food !

If you guys who have worked outside the state have any experience of getting an impromptu invitation to dinner by a non-Oriya, I am sure you must have wrinkled up your nose at the limited dishes served to you! No offence meant to fellow Indians though! It is just that we cannot do without variety in our meals!

I think it all started off with the culinary indulgence of Lord Jagannath who also loves good food! Oriyas spend a lot of time and money on the food part of our lives! Just walk unannounced into the house of the average citizen and you will be amazed to find a whole variety of dishes in the kitchen. No Oriya housewife will dare to cook one subzi or dal for her husband and go back to her Sas and bohu serial! There shall be at least 3-4 dishes apart from the staple rice! Otherwise, dear husband and the demanding kids will throw a fit!

Our mornings normally start with a hunt for the best greens, fish or mutton. A common morning sight in cities is that of men going around haats with shopping bags slung all over their bikes or scooters! Doesn’t matter if he is late for office by 15 –20 minutes!

A close friend who did time in Mumbai told me that his neighbours always used to wonder if guests were coming to dinner, when they saw him returning from the market weighed down with shopping bags bulging with vegetables! They were astonished when he explained that this was just for 3 days of use for his tiny family of three!

I am an unabashed fan of Oriya food! And I am bedazzled by the mind boggling variety! I guess we have more than 50 varieties of sweets alone and each one makes me salivate! tasty! Everybody loves our Chennapoda and whenever friends visit the state they insist on packing some of this stuff for their kids!

Wonder if you guys ever have had the authentic Chennapoda as made in the village sweet shops? This is baked overnight on the glowing embers of a wood fire and is a far cry from the stuff sold by city shops which are cooked in ovens!

Ah ! How much I relish our humble pakhala bhaat with badhi chura, saga, aloo bharta, sukua bhaja,etc! The dish is an ideal way to relieve the stress of the hot summer afternoons . And I love parboiled (usuna) rice pakhala not the polished arua which is tasteless! Just add a bit of dahi, sprinkle a few lemon leaves to spice it up !

I always get ecstatic when I taste our delicious pithas! The wide variety simply stumps me! I wonder how our ladies remember their zealously guarded recipes and complicated preparation methods! If you visit any coastal Orissa village during the Raja festival, you will agree with me! Once I remember counting 12 types offered to me on a large bronze plate which was truly a visual delight apart from their lovely aroma! Poda pitha, chakuli, monda, chittau, muga, suji, etc are some of the names I can recollect!

The king of pithas is the tasty poda pitha no doubt ! Every housewife has her own recipe and no two poda pithas taste the same! I can never forget the appetizing smell of a chakuli pitha cooked over a low wood fire! And the best combination is to have it with piping hot watery mutton curry! I wonder if any of our city bred kids have ever tasted a chakuli pitha made on a wood fire?

I had a good friend, an army major from Rajasthan who loved Enduri pithas which are prepared only during Prathamastami festival! He was enchanted by the strong aroma of turmeric leaves which are used to wrap and steam them.

Unlike the guys from North who love to cook a single vegetable we have experimented for centuries on the mix and match concept and have arrived at wonderful combinations like dalma, santula, sajana saag with dal, buta dal with fish head, lau with shrimp, etc.

Every district has got its own special dish, each one a gastronomic delight no doubt! I relish the mudhi mansha of Baripada, macha mahura of Jagatsinghpur, malpua and dalma of Puri, poda mansa of Angul, dahi bara, aloo dam and guguni of Cuttack city, kora of Bhubaneswar, sukhua rai of Khurda, bara of Dhenkanal, etc. Yum! Thinking of these dishes has made my mouth water!

Can’t claim to do justice to the paschim Orissa cuisine since I have never had a traditional western Orissa meal! I hope one of our western Orissa dadas invites me!

But we are a self-effacing race, rarely taking pride in our priceless culture, heritage and lifestyles! We should feel proud of our remarkable cuisine! And I sincerely hope that we can survive the onslaught of pizzas and burgers which our kids love to chomp!

And guys, make it a point to invite friends and visitors from outside the state to your homes for a true Oriya meal so that he goes back with a truly unforgettable experience!

Head waiters at the secretariat!

2006-07-08T10:23:00.000+05:30

Mittal is coming! During the last few days, the entire babudom and media world of Orissa was agog about his hyped up visit! Yesterday, our dear Papu was also sweating and getting nervy over the flight delay. None of these morons of course had his satphone number to call up and find out. Ultimately, there was relief when the steel baron in his plush jet touched down at the desolate local airport.

Our local netas and babus were salivating in happy anticipation since they knew that richie rich would not arrive with small change! What if the steel badshah decides to invest in a multi million tonne steel plant? Dispensing the usual red tape, they promptly declared him a state guest!

But I doubt if the wily Marwari was impressed with the blaring siren of the police escort and the local bureaucrats jumping up and down like jacks in the box to attend to his whims!

Thank god, nobody thought of checking him into our cockroach infested state guest house or made the momentous mistake of sending a state car to receive him! For the record we have a Contessa and a couple of faded white Maruti vans and rickety Ambassadors without ACs earmarked as state cars! Never know, the ride in the doddering Contessa might have impressed him as he would have thought that he was being honoured by a ride in an antique car! However, his help had ordered a swanky private car to ferry him.

Trust the babus to change colour like the proverbial chameleon! If you guys would have seen the way the tycoon was ushered into the Secretariat you would have thought that probably the missile man has resigned and this guy is the new Prez!

Do any of you guys remember the bad old days when businessmen were shooed out of the office of any self respecting sarkari babu? They were supposed to be cheats, ever ready to loot the public exchequer for sinful profits! A rich man was both despised and pilloried, blamed for everything from price rise to failure of monsoons!

At the height of the permit and quota raj, the babus loved grabbing the businessmen by their necks and tying them with up a maze of clearances and permissions. The poor sods needed a sarkari nod before they could even pee! Sorry for the history lesson, let me tell you more!

In this bloody sweltering heat and humidity, the Queen’s chief courtier who negotiates all his deals, was waiting at the ground floor to welcome the prized catch! Both the district collector and the police chief ushered him in like two head waiters at a fancy 5 star restaurant! One on the left and the other on right! It was a disgusting sight!

There is no need for the stupid babus to fall at his feet in supplication! If Mittal, the sharp nosed businessman wants to lay his claws on the richest iron ore deposits in the world, then he has to come here you idiots! There are few places in the world which have 65 % grade reserves. It is his need, not our fortune that he has flown down to do business. He is not here for charity!

And we also need to strike a good deal with him, not offer him captive iron ore mines at the niggardly Rs. 26 per tonne royalty rates like we did with Posco! But must say I have serious doubts, since the double faced Queen would happily fork out all our prime maal at a pittance; claiming that he stands committed to wiping out Orissa’s poverty!

Ah, the bloody fraud! I think he shall be reborn as a famished bullock for at least seven lives and pull a Oriya peasant’s plough through unyielding soil to atone for all the gargantuan sins committed on the trusting Oriyas!

The Queen in his supreme ignorance had his usual bored face while he sat through the presentation made by the laptop savy CS, scarcely comprehending anything beyond the lovely pics! However, I did notice the worried look on his beefy face! He had nagging doubts if the chalu Marwadi would pay up in advance after seeing the plight of Posco and Tatas who are yet to get an inch of land! You see, the murga might flee without dropping the golden egg!

I wonder what the useless Paika, the Minister for Industries was doing at the meet ? Trying to impress upon the steelman and his cohorts that he was somebody important in the government? Ha Ha? Has he forgotten that he came to know about the Posco MOU only from the morning papers?

I was also amused to see the moronic minister for mines who has a perpetually lost look, eagerly bending forward, trying to make head or tail out of the Mittal’ utterances! The official fall guy’s two penny initials are sought after the file is complete, to wrap up the mining deals, nice and tidy! Heard that the mining lalas do not consider him worthy of even a courtesy call since the Queen’s office does the entire paperwork and decides the take as well!

What a relief after the baratis left! But guys, they sure forgot the bride! Shall I conduct a poll to find out who is the bride ?

Have you planted a tree?

2006-07-04T22:10:00.000+05:30

Have you planted a tree ?

Come July and everybody gets a tree planting paroxysm in Orissa! The papers carry full page ads announcing the launch of the Van Mahotsav week from 5th July. The most despicable part is that this plantation “natak” is limited to the capital city only and the district headquarter towns! Nothing happens in the 55,000 villages of the state!

From tomorrow onwards you will find the chief minister and his dhoti clad ministers religiously going around the capital planting trees. The entire babudom gets infected by the planting fever and an official blitzkrieg is launched! No empty public space is spared anywhere .

Much of the plantation is ill advised, since nobody bothers to leave space for the large species to grow up properly. The measly gap of 5-7 feet is ridiculous! If even 10 % would have survived, the capital would have turned into a tropical forest with Tarzan and his apes reigning supreme!

Ofcourse no VIP plants trees without TV cameras and photographers in dutiful attendance! And have you ever seen a tree planting ceremony without the mandatory banner?

Methinks, if you want to do a good deed just go ahead and do it! No need to holler that you have done your bit for the environment!

And tree planting occasions are now turning into celebrity events with liberal doses of glamour! Nowadays, even the desi celebrities ……..the album artistes and Oriya film heroines are being pulled in.

Everybody has a lovely time! Crowds gawk at the giggling cuties as they flash their instant sunny smiles at adulatory fans while they gingerly sprinkle a few drops of water on a sapling, careful not to soil their dainty hands. The bald headed ministers are also happy to grace the gathering. Who would miss this golden chance to leer at the chirpy 20 somethings young enough to be their grand-daughters ? Then everybody poses for the photographs under the prominent banner with the ministers pulling and holding the reluctant lassies closer! Thereafter, the crowd disappears forgetting the drooping seedlings which dry up and die due to sheer lack of care!

This year, about Rs. 200 lakhs is supposed to be spent by the BMC in greening. With this amount one can easily create a mini Simlipal! Every councillor is hestitant to find out about the fate of the thousands of seedlings planted earlier, since he fears of being dubbed anti-environment! The bloody exercise is supposed to be such a noble and holy thing!

The tree planting campaign has come as a boon for the govt. bandits . ………. a ridiculously simple way to loot the public funds. 90% of seedlings are dead within a few months either due to lack of water or cattle grazing. Out of the rest hardly 2- 3 % survive the next year!

The BMC headed by that bear faced moronic lawyer who never had a practice, does not hesitate to cut off trees to put up hoardings all around the city. Plant with one hand and destroy the old trees with the other!

You should also hear the inspiringly sweet spiels delivered by the bloody forest wallas who espouse the golden virtues of trees and how without forests we would all die! At the back of his mind, the rat would be calculating his share from the last consignment of illicit logs which would have been removed by the timber mafia from his beat!

For that matter, have you guys ever heard of an honest forest officer? The entire deptt. is now enjoying its golden age! Since the infantile Queen is at the head, it is easy to fool him with their fairy tales of how they have managed to stop the timber loot, rampant wildlife poaching, etc. Pure BS, I must say! The forest guys are also mighty thrilled! Nowadays, the entire loot goes home as they do not have to part with a penny to any Minister! A bird told me that the take in the mining belt is astronomical! With the booming price of iron ore, illegal mines operators are ready to pay obscene amounts. I heard about a range officer of Bonai division who makes half a crore a year by just closing his eyes to the mining !

At the same time, the Queen grandly announces at every public meet that he loves forests and is committed to their protection while he smilingly signs away prime areas for mining! The bloody fraud needs a whip on his soft backside!

Why do we enact this bloody tree planting rigmarole every year, when we are fast losing thick forests every day? Any answer please?

Assault on Oriya swabhiman?

2006-07-01T00:35:00.000+05:30

Assault on Oriya swabhiman?

One of the most unlikely scene flashed across TV channels a few days ago. A smiling Budha babu embraced Mukesh Ambani ( a snake and mongoose jodi! ) who smugly announced his grand investment of Rs.4,000 crore to set up farm retail points and gas based power plants which would apparently push the Bong economy to stratospheric heights!

What has the world come to! How could a dyed in the wool commie jump into blissful union with a much reviled capitalist !

I also couldn’t help guffawing when the Ambani crook said that he was there to help the farmers of WB! Folks have you ever heard of the Ambani dakus ever helping anyone in their chequered corporate history? They are bloody merciless sharks who would happily suck the farmers to death! All they need now are the obliging red netas!

Cut to Orissa! Cries of protest by the vociferous red unions and their hired crowds rent the air as they protest Nalco’s privatization. What a turn round! Trust the reds to be true turncoats!

In redland they will happily welcome India’s most notorious investor the perfectly immoral Reliance group who buy out every bloody minister or babu to ensure that a truly free market economy prevails so that they are “free to loot the janata!”

Oh the double standards of the hypocritical reds! And secondly, why protest in Orissa against Nalco dis investment. Why don’t they pull the rug from under the Sardar’s feet at the center? They want to have the cake and eat it too!

When it was accepted in 1991 by the entire nation that we need to liberalize the economy to improve our lives; that the government has to get out of business so that the taxpayers do not bear their mounting losses; why these protests ?

Everyone knows that PSUs are milch cows for the vast army of netas and their chamchas! Corruption is rampant in Nalco as its officers and employees make money left and right. Who wants to give up this honey pot?

The moment private management takes control (not after this measly 10 % dis investment since it will only reduce the GOI’s holding to 77.5% ) the first thing they shall do is to exterminate these rats who now freely loot the company. There is no dispute that a privately managed Nalco will be run better, be more efficient and fetch better returns for the same capital employed.

And the most ethical reason I can think in favour of dis investment, is that the owner (GOI) has every right to decide how to deal with his property. Who are the bloody household help to object to this? Tomorrow if you decide to sell your house, can your servant stop you by saying that he does not like the new owner. If he hates him, let him vamoose!

And the govt. of Orissa also has no right to ask the center to stop. The moronic argument that they gave the captive bauxite mines to Nalco because it was a PSU does not jell.Since when has it become a condition of mines lease that ownership will always be with the state? If that be so, then why don’t they apply the same rule to the Tatas and the Birlas who have grabbed obscene amounts of iron, chromite and bauxite leases?

If the state badly wants to protect the “ Oriya swabhiman” whatever it means, let them set up a patriotic fund and ask every Oriya to contribute so that they can buy out 10 % shares ? And woe betide Nalco, if the Queen’s govt. manages to jostle into the board with an equity backing! Our inimitable babus will successfully use their stone age managerial skills to convert the current Rs.1,234 crores profit into a net loss within one year! Have you forgotten their notorious management track record of the state PSUs?

I also wonder why the same BJD or BJP netas don’t launch public protests against the planned loot by Posco! The Korean bandits are being handed over 600 million tones of iron ore at Rs.26 per tonne royalty ! Assuming the company gets it at Rs.2,600 = 2,850 – 250 (raising cost + royalty) the loss to our state comes to Rs.156,000 crores at present market prices. The state would have earned this amount by just selling the ore in the market! Shockingly, there is no rasta or rail roko over this daylight banditry!

Why there is so much of opposition to the Nalco deal ? Freebies and goodies like hefty cuts on purchases and contracts, fake bills, free use of company guest houses and cars, foreign junkets, nepotism will of course disappear!

The Statutory Auditor’s report on Nalco for 2004-05 says…….. “ As regards fraud on the Company, in one case, one transport contractor has forged the signature of officers of the Company and has claimed false bills, the amount of which is being worked out. The business with the contractor has been suspended and the amount will be recovered from his pending bills.”

This shocking fraud happened inspite of a full fledged internal control system and at least 3 audit firms looking into internal audit. Were the officers sleeping when the false bills were paid out? The fraud amount is so huge that they could not calculate the amount of the loot ! Now you have a fair idea of how many crooks are bleeding the company and why they are screaming against dis investment !

‘Nalco is the pride of the state and we will not allow the central government to do that,’ a leading BJP neta loftily proclaimed. What pride? The state government has not invested a single naye paise and has not managed this company for a day! How can you blow a trumpet which does not even belong to you? Folks, I hope you do remember that the BJP banias were happily bartering away Nalco shares when they were in NDA a few years ago!

The government has no business to be in business and let Nalco's dis investment proceed smoothly !

Whose prayers the Lord listens to?

2006-06-28T13:39:00.000+05:30

Whew! I am back after a sweaty and tiring trip to Puri to watch the Lord's show. It was pure duty, folks ! Have to earn my bread as well!

Thanks a lot to all of you who have been commenting on the posts ! The eyeballs are rising and I hope I will not disappoint you guys and gals ! Yes, I do have a tiny female readership as well !

It started off with the sweet lady at the PR firm. Poor girl, everyday she sweats when she looks up my blog, worried that Posco might be gored! Don't you worry sweetie, I have other pursuits now . I shall return to your masters with more dope later on.

Before I forget, I must warn you guys! Since the fair un's are reading these post, do keep your language within limits.

The grand show in Puri overwhelmed me ! Not that this is the first time I saw it. But it is amazing seeing the awe inspiring devotion of the countless devotees who flock there . I was impressed by the undying piety of the poor villagers flocking from distant hamlets, braving overpacked buses or trains in this bloody humidity and heat !

I hate those VIPs who are driven to the Lord's show in their official vehicles with a blaring police escort and given the best of seats so that they can avoid the hoi polloi ! Chilled bottles of mineral water and tasty savouries are served by their grovelling flunkies while they can watch the yatra in absolute peace. After a few hours they retire to the cool comforts of the govt. circuit houses for a hearty lunch and siesta! Methinks the entire thing sucks ! The VIP path to nirvana !

I wonder whose prayers the Lord listens to! The poor man's cry for a better crop this year or the VIP bastard's desperate plea to safeguard his high post so that he can loot more!

And I also seriously wonder why the government has miserably failed to free the temple from the clutches of the greedy pandas ? Any visitor who wants to worship the Lord has to fight these pandas who descend upon him like hungry vulture! The idle policemen who are supposed to ensure that pilgrims are free from hassles, look at this daily scene with a wan smile. I seriously wonder if they have a cut in the pandas' loot!

The entrance to the temple swarms with beggars and lepers who swamp the visitor as soon as he alights from his car ! The Jagannath temple admin really needs a drastic overhaul and this has to be done with an iron hand. Wonder if this is ever possible in this holy land where even the CM is terrorised by the pandas who threaten to strike work at the drop of a hat !

The beaches stink since they release their dirty water to the sea! Bulls freeely roam the narrow roads. The beaches are clogged by hawkers and makeshift stalls selling the usual trinkets! The eating places are fly infested and unhygienic! The entire holy town badly needs a makeover and I think Jagmohan should be appointed to do this! Give up any hope of our useless an corrupt babus doing the cleanup!

The local DC is busy making money from the hoteliers and the prawn mafia. Everytime the Queen's office asks him about the prawn gherry demolition in Chilika, his slush rates go up and the ever grateful prawn mafia rush to his den with bagfuls of dough!

The biggest sin on Rath Yatra has been committed by ETV! Why did they have to use a bloody corrupt neta who poses as a pundit in Oriya literature and history as their commentator for the live broadcast? Everyone knows the tons of money the fake intellectual raked in when he was the Speaker. The Queen ofcourse rightly kicked him out. I must confess that the nitwit's grey cells sometimes do work!

Sorry have to rush! Keep watching! I promise you more life!

Celebrating mediocrity !

2006-06-25T13:14:00.000+05:30

Celebrating mediocrity!

If you have the brains of a mouse, come to Orissa ! This the land of mediocrity where you will be honoured and feted like a celebrity!

Just look around you and you will see cretins everywhere! In every field and profession, idiots rule the roost! You have “baristha sambadikas” or senior journalists who do not belong to any news paper, but are treated with reverence and awe! Since they are idle, they are invited to seminars and workshops where they wax eloquent on all diverse topics under the sun ……from child labour to Buddhist relics !

A few of them also dub themselves as “sthambakars” or columnists. Their columns reek of incompetence being full of puerile garbage rarely deserving more than five seconds of reading time! Their stupid and hoary opinions are inanely irrelevant since they are bereft of facts. If you do find any facts, be sure that is shamelessly filched from English papers!

But they do enjoy the full benefits of a senior accredited hack! Spacious government quarters in the heart of the city and all other concessions and benefits. I wonder how they feed their family, if they do not have a regular salary!

I pity the hard working regular journos on the payrolls of the dailies slogging away day and night for their story, dreading the rap from their editors if they fail deadlines!

Then there are the netas who badly need brain surgery. No not for replacement but implant of the grey matter. People not fit to be even Sarpanchs suddenly find themselves catapulted to the Assembly as MLAs! Confronted by the voluminous official papers which frankly speaking few can comprehend, they happily doze off. Being privileged members of various standing committees of the house, they get the chance to summon the slippery babus and review their activities.

Predictably, the babus have the last laugh! It is child’s play for them to fool the half educated netas who cannot understand simple English, leave aside the subject matter which might be esoterically incomprehensible. Many of these politicos who represent remote tribal areas of Orissa are understandably uncomfortable summoning officials to appear before them.

How can they forget their earlier nasty experiences dealing with babus in the districts! Many of them must have spent hours sweating outside the sprawling bungalow of the DC waiting for an audience! For them officers continue to be the “mai baap sarkar,” supreme and unquestionable!

Contrarily, the wily coastal district MLAs are old foxes, adept at shadow boxing with babudom. If honest requests fail to elicit information, abuses and threats follow ! Pronto the missing file surfaces from the dark depths of the cupboards ! Remember, a babu is a brave creature within the four corners of his house ; when he shouts at his domestic help!

As everyone knows the Queen has taken a backseat and has given the moronic babus a free run which has pumped up their pea sized egos!

However, when you deal with them, you will be shocked by their incompetence and ignorance levels! Most of them do not understand computers or email or internet and thus have to depend upon their PAs who themselves are semi literates in IT. Now all secretariat offices have computers but the babu still calls out dictation to his PA who dutifully types it out in the computer and produces a so called “draft”. Only after this is checked, the final print out is taken. And if the PA is absent, work comes to a grinding halt. What is the use of giving them computers when they still do not type out the matter!

As you know folks, even a 7 year old child is a computer wiz nowadays after Bill Gates liberated us from the difficult to remember DOS commands!

Many of the babus are terribly out of touch with the real world and do not understand modern terms like BPO, real time information system, peer evaluation, zero based budgeting, etc. Their GK is eminently absent!

A reporter who used to work with Associated Press once tried to meet the CM. When he said that he represented AP, the PR staff said “oh you are from Andra Pradesh.” Repeated attempts to explain that he was from one of the world’s largest wire services drew a blank. They had not heard of AP! And I am talking about the PR department, not some admin department!

We have police officers who run at the sight of a rat heading the force. How can you ever expect them to put down the Naxal menace? If you remember, three years ago, the DGP had visited Koraput and other areas in mufti and had used a hired taxi. How can such a nincompoop ever protect our lives?

Then you have half of the state’s literate population going around with doctorates in their pockets. The upstart Chancellor of the only private university in the state (a huge career jump from his earlier career as librarian of a nondescript rural college) is a “Dr”. The chief of a local newspaper is also a doctorate. Almost all the Oriya writers are “Dr.” These fools think that a Ph.d degree entitles them to prefix “Dr.” ! The honorific is used only by medical doctors, people who relieve you from your pain and of course money!

However, this obsession with “Dr.” continues. Many of these are also honorary doctorates obtained from shady universities who gladly shell them out for a small donation! Freud would say that it is their way of overcoming the supremely inferiority complex!

Now the real doctors are rarely able to diagnose your ailment, forget about prescribing the correct medication. You have lawyers here who barely know English language, forget their knowledge of law. Ironically, some of them count themselves as leading legal luminaries. Once you hear them arguing in the courts you will wonder how they got their law degrees!

Oriya cinema has failed to produce good commercial films fit for a national screening. They are still stuck with the weepy family soap dramas ………there will be a tyrannically evil zamindar with oversized moustaches and a thick chain like gold chain He will have his lecherous eye on the innocent daughter of the poor farmer who of course is in love with the local village boy … blah....blah……..

Come on producers grow up! These were the subjects of the 1960s. The few Oriya directors who are good have not seen prosperous careers, unable to progress beyond a few art films which of course have fetched them national awards. Will they please step forward and free the local films from the grip of these cretin directors and writers?

Now the actors! The heroines apart from delivering jhatkas rarely emote. The only emotion they know is shedding copious tears so that they do not have to act! Their jaded looks, atrociously gaudy dress sense and dated acting makes one doze off in the halls. Even their bloody make up sucks!

The new breed of Oriya heroes who are trying to make their mark are good in calisthenics and weight pumping. It is difficult to understand whether they are working out on the sets or doing a dance! Many of the dances look truly funny resembling a burlesque by epileptics with arms and torsos being whipped into jerks !

Then you have the ersatz intellectuals gracing functions or meetings. Rarely do they come prepared for the topic and usually you will find them rambling incomprehensibly about irrelevant issues. At one such gathering, three years ago, a distinguished resource person went on babbling about his tremendous sense of imagination and how he loves Socrates's thoughts ! Don’t think the seminar was on Greek philosophy! It was on the “Impact of the super cyclone on the girl child!”

And God forbid if they are retired babus! You will be tortured with apocryphal stories of they could manage to achieve impossibly difficult tasks and how they have always rebuffed the netas in their uneventful careers! Pure BS, I must say! If that would be case then we would have Ram Rajya in our state!

It is also a growing trend nowadays to invite senior babus to grace public functions as there is only one neta in the state with a public life, i.e., the Queen himself! Even retired babus will do, since they are thrilled to sit on the stage after spending a lifetime hiding behind unfinished files!

Another thing I hate about these sabhas and karmashalas is that the speakers who are supposed to enlighten you on the concerned topic, often launch an unabashed eulogy of the host and go on thanking him forever. Then the bloody event withers away into one huge mutual admiration exercise where everyone praises the other and his dubious achievements! Why can’t we have seminars where precious time is not wasted on these perfectly dispensable time wasting speeches?

So dear folks! In this land of mediocrity what do you do?

Descend to these ridiculous levels of mediocrity yourself ? Or blaze a lone path yourself ?

Who are the bigger crooks ?

2006-06-23T21:49:00.000+05:30

Everyday the papers carry news of some state government officer being caught red handed with bribe money. With the Queen himself ordering this crackdown , the vigilance guys are cracking down on corruption with a missionary zeal. But sadly, it is the small guy who is caught! The JE, RI, Tehsildar, BDO, Asst. Engineer, Forest Ranger or the police SI. Never the top babu, as if all the Orissa babus are the son-in-laws of the Ambani family!

In all this brouhaha and anti-corruption drive launched by the state government, we naïve Oriyas think that the central govt. guys are saints! This is pure BS! The recent arrest of the GM of the BSNL at Bhubaneswar is a pointer. The crook was caught taking Rs.1 lakh as a bribe from a security agency. Compared to this, our BPL class officers are “trapped” with measly amounts of Rs. 200 – Rs. 500 or maybe Rs.5,000 but rarely more.

While the central govt. guys go scot free every day, our poor desi boys have to suffer the ignominy of the focus of blinding media lights as the local TV channels rush to cover the story.

Paradeep port, East Coast Railways, NALCO, FCI, Central Excise, Income Tax, Rourkela Steel Plant, BSNL ,BPCL, HPCL, Indian Oil Corporation,etc. together handle more than Rs. 50,000 crores of public money a year. Just imagine what kind of corruption can take place here!

A little bird in the export business told me that the Paradeep port guys are raking in the real moolah! With the boom in the mineral exports, they made tons of the good stuff last year. They terrorise the poor exporters by threatening to cancel their dock side plot allotment which forces them to cough up. Besides, there are multi crore orders for equipment and services.

India TV and CNN-IBN where are you? Send your sting guys to Paradeep and you will have a month’s supply of exclusive stories! Do “whatever it takes” !

Interestingly, the IAS guys seem to have lost out on the Paradeep honey pot .Both the Chairman and the Deputy Chairman are Railway service guys. Methinks they should be pushed back into their smelly stations and shoddy trains where they can figure out how to run them on time and make them avoid crashing into each other!

But I guess that big faced Southie surface transport minister is happy with the railway men since they would not (unlike the gutsy IAS guys) shout back if he dips too much into the till or treats them like faithful cocker spaniels!

Another bird tells me that NALCO is one huge smelter of corruption and it stinks of sleaze! Everybody is on the take here; from the office gardener to the board members. No supply bill gets passed without the customary pay off. The most notorious are the sales guys who manipulate the sale orders which can result in windfalls to the buyers as the price of aluminum fluctuates widely and the bloody thing is in perpetual short supply!

That is the real reason for the widespread and vehement protests by the staff against the dis-investment move. These bandits would be jobless once a private management takes over and discovers their nefarious activities. I am sure they are also funding the agitations by the commies, desperate not to lose their control.

FCI’s corruption is legendary! If their labour union leader who also happens to be a Oriya incidentally lives like a millionare, then you can imagine what kind of money the officers are raking in! The recycling by mill owners and damaged food grains being written off story is too well known.

These guys keep huge rats as pets in their godowns who loyally devour more than 5 % of the food grains which is their officially “permitted loss”. The bigger rats sit in the offices no doubt, growing fatter every day with the loot which would have fed the starving tribals of Balangir and Kalahandi!

The Central Excise guys are also another forgotten faceless lot, hidden behind their obscure offices. Ordinary folks like you and me hardly ever meet them since they deal with corporates only and large ones that too!

If you remember, about 5 years back there was the fat slob who was caught in Delhi with his mistress and numerous flats and bank lockers who headed the CBEC as its chairman. These guys get well looked after by the industrial units when they go on their inspections. Everybody is happy, the businessman who pays a pittance towards his excise dues and the officers who return home with loaded pockets.

With the growth in the sponge iron and steel units in Orissa, these guys are having a bonanza. Diamond showrooms which have been sprouting up on Bhubaneswar’s streets like footpath chaat shops, are the places where their happy wives disgorge the loot! Wonder what kind of business these posh shops do in the poorest state of the country! I hope the government makes a rule that all jewelry purchase of more than Rs. 5,000 should be paid by cheque only. Then, these crooks could be trapped easily!

The saddest lot among the central govt. guys are the IT people. With summary assessments and time bound refunds being the order of the day, these guys are sitting idle swatting flies all day! However, a few zealous inspectors do go on the prowl and corner hapless small businessmen and squeeze a couple of hundreds by threatening to issue them a notice to file returns. Unless there are raids or searches, the big bosses rarely get a chance to wet their beaks! Alas those days are gone!

Never get your sister or daughter married to an IT guy! There is nothing under the table for these poor souls!

The Rourkela guys made some juicy sums when the RSP expansion took place about 15 years ago. The loot was of course carefully invested outside the state since most officers were non-Oriyas. But their partners in crime, the local banias made posh houses complete with polished granite and teakwood doors in Civil Township. Now the scrap steel sale racket is the biggest money spinner there with millions being siphoned off every month.

The PSU oil company executives are also busy silently licking up the cream. They make money while allotting tank lorries, conniving in supply adulteration of petrol and diesel and looking the other way at those avaricious fuel pump owners who run manipulated meters and sell adulterated fuel. Lodge a complaint with them about short measure or bad fuel and you will rarely see the dealer being punished! I have seen these guys drive up to pumps and fill up their car’s tanks with free petrol though they draw fat salaries.

I remember, there was a Bong Regional Chief of the Indian Oil (the fat cat oil PSU ) who visited Simlipal in 2001. The dealers of Mayurbhanj and Keonjhar districts set up a kitty and collected Rs.30,000 which was spent on him and his family’s 2 day visit to the Park. The best of booze and food was arranged for sahib and memsahib. Everybody was worried about their pet poodle which also went with them. I guess they carried imported dog food and toilet paper for him as well ! The corrupt bloke should have got cerebral malaria from the Park and kicked the bucket on his return!

But don’t think that corruption exists only in the public sector. I will tell you later about the action in the corporate world. Give me a few days, fellas!

I give, you take !

2006-06-23T06:19:00.000+05:30

The party newspaper has carried an interesting story today ! How fast the government can work if it wants to ! Never knew that Naveen the idiot does have the brains to ask the necessary questions. The dumb shithead is known to sign files in which his lackeys have put their comments. He can't write two lines of English properly and can't even remember the names of all the districts of the state. Forget about issuing the right instructions to his minions! It is the least kept secret in the corridors of the State Secretariat !

The story is a concoted dramatisation of the events that preceded the Posco's review meet held recently at Secretariat. The Pioneer scribe forgot to ask the imbecilic CM as to why the same speed was not seen in giving relief food grains to starving tribals who ultimately conk off due to starvation in the boondocks of Orissa !

Do you ever believe this story ! I wish the the Secretariat would function in this manner ; then the state would not be languishing in the depths of poverty and misery !

And what a great thing to happen! The govt. would have us to believe that 1,135 acres of government land was handed over to Posco on the same day . They gave and the company took ! Ha! Ha ! Are we kiddies to be fooled by this hilarious announcement !

Wake up you babus, and take off the blinkers from your stupid eyes ! The bloody land is blocked off by the locals. How can you ever hand over land on which you cannot set your foot on ? The Posco guys know that they will be slaughtered by angry locals if they ever try to visit the area !

The story signs off with "Who says that the Chief Minister Naveen Pattnaik is indecisive ? "

Dear scribe, nobody is saying this. How can you call a guy, sorry semi guy indecisive if he does not decide at all ! All decisions in the govt. are taken by his lackeys whom he trusts completely.

The story is below

From The Pioneer, 23rd June,2006

Naveen shows babus how to move fast

Pioneer News Service Bhubaneswar

Wednesday witnessed the swiftest-ever action in Orissa's babudom - thanks to Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik's business-like approach.
The occasion: A review meet on the progress of work on the Posco steel project, a day before the first anniversary of the signing of the memorandum of understanding (MoU) between the State Government and the South Korean steel giant.

The Chief Minister asked Principal Secretary Bijay Kumar Patnaik: "Am I supposed to take stock of the developments that have taken place on the Posco project today? If so, at what time?"

The Principal Secretary: "Sir, at 5 pm."

The CM: "Then give me details of what we have done for Posco till date."

After analysing the facts Patnaik asked, "Who is handling the land issue?"

Answer: "Collector, Jagatsinghpur and MD, IDCO."

The CM: "Ask both of them to hand over the land to Posco."

Next question: "What are the other commitments?"

Answer: "A nodal officer for facilitating the Posco project has to be appointed."

The CM: "Notify Priyabrats Patnaik (CMD of IPICOL) as nodal officer of Posco."

Another requirement is to appoint some zonal officers for the project.

To this, the Chief Minister was ready with his next order: "Ask Principal Secretary, Revenue, to post them."

A flurry of action at the State Secretariat followed, and all that the Chief Minister ordered were in place by 4 pm.
Jagatsinghpur District Collector Satyabrats Sahu handed over 1,135 acres of Government land to IDCO. IDCO MD Askok K Meena issued the notification within an hour. And the order was handed over to Posco CMD Soung-Sik Cho. Priyabrata Patnaik was notified as the nodal officer. Revenue Department had three zonal officers in place.

Finally, the Chief Minister formally made all the announcements at the 5 pm review meeting. His opening sentence was, "The Government of Orissa has already handed over 1,135 acres of land to Posco."

Who says Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik is indecisive?

Posco chief seeks divine help

2006-06-22T23:05:00.000+05:30

Wonder whose bright idea it was to send the Posco chief to the local ISKCON Jagannath temple at Nayapalli ? Looks that the company is prepared to do anything to push through its Orissa plans ! Wonder what would have been the reaction of the orthodox Puri priests if this guy who is a beef eater would have visited Lord Jagannath temple at Puri !

Koreans love beef and most of it is ofcourse imported from the US !

Saw it on the local TV news channel which showed it as an exlusive story ! As if Bush had visited the temple !

And don't be surprised if you find him pulling the Rath on 27th June ! It will be wonderful photo op for our journo friends. Wonder what else a company's chief has to do to start his business in India.

They are learning Oriya fast and don't be surprised if your abuse in 2 lettered Oriya words would be understood !

They are also setting up scholarships for our poor students. Must admire the guts and self respect of the medicine entrance topper from Jagatsinghpur who refused charity for his fees and preferred a loan from the bank.

In the end Posco India will do every thing (pay out scholarships, run hospitals, set up training colleges, run stalls at food festivals ) other than making steel!

The Posco Honeypot

2006-06-22T19:23:00.000+05:30

Posco affair

The Posco guys held a press meet on 21st June at Swosti Plaza. Many journos attended this. There was a dramatic announcement by the Korean bastards that they would have second thoughts over the project if they do not get the captive mines ! Pl. do have second thoughts. At least Orissa will be spared one more corporate bandit !

I hope you guys know that the south Koreans are known as the American bastards since they are screwed by the Americans . Wonder how these large Americans who are well you know well endowed manage to do it with the puny and scrawny Korean bitches !

The only Korean PR girl posted in Bhubaneswar tries her best to trap our bhainas ! But nobody is interested in this flat chested girl, though I must say she is quite a sweet one ! She must be wondering why her charms fail to work here! Poor girl, somebody, needs to take her on a Konark trip and she will know what a hot blooded Oriya male looks for in his mate !

But there was a special meet planned for the evening since Posco does not think that our journos deserve a press meet in the evening followed by a relaxed dinner. This was one for the babus ! Oriya babus do not feel comfortable to mix with hacks ! Maybe they consider them to be infra dig ! Plus it would be mighty embarrasing since the babus are a favourite target of our trigger happy press who never lose an opportunity to lambast them . The most amazing thing is the common refrain of many babus that nobody praises their work and their achievements. Wonder if they have ever achieved anything in Orissa , other than making people run around in circles while trying to get their official work done !

Also heard that a few select babus have got special favours from Posco. At least some have been assured of lucrative jobs after retirement ! Maybe they will join after resignation from govt ! There is a strong buzz that the company has given many costly Rado watches as a small gift ! Oriya babus you know would sell their mothers cheap even in a bear market , forget about guarding the state interest in leasing out the iron ore mines.

The posco chief was flustered when journos started shooting questions. One journo wanted to know how much Posco would be making from the steel plant. He could not answer this. Another scribe had doubts over the employment figures.

The media agency handling the Posco account is also quite worried ! They have pulled out all stops to ensure that the press does not damage the company's careful plans of looting Orissa's iron ore reserves . In fact, it appears that the pains taken by the company to take the group of journos to Korea for a junket seems to have boomeranged!

The sweet lady at the media agency is working overtime to sweeten the path of Posco ! She has been ringing up everyone and indulging in general talk like some teenaged pimply girl just out of college. She giggles uncontrollably, and instead of doing her PR job by eulogising Posco and its benefits to the land of the bira Paikas , she acts like a damsel in distress by seeking suggestions from the journos . She still nurtures the fond hope that the journos would behave like true gallants and lend her a helping hand to portray Posco as the saviour of Orissa !

But our patriotic bhais and bhainas are not biting ! I mean the bait, not her ! Though, do not be surprised if somebody does bite. A packet of sweets left on the roadside does attract flies, sorry honey bees !

The Posco battle is hotting up ! I am sure we shall see more action as the company gets desperate ! Maybe more Soos will be flown down from Korea to try to educate our press ! But the least the top brass can ensure is that nobody should be less than 34 if not 36 at least ! I do not mean kgs , you know !

The little wonder gets support

2006-06-18T11:22:00.000+05:30

From Zee News.

Slum-dwellers demonstrate on Budhia issue

Bhubaneswar, June 17: Over 300 slum-dwellers from Gautamnagar area of the city today staged a demonstration outside the residence of the chairman of Khurda District Child Welfare Committee protesting against its order for "forcible medical examination" of child marathon prodigy Budhia Singh. The residents of Gautamnagar slum burnt an effigy of CWC Chairman R S Mishra demanding his dismissal. A political outfit, Kalinga Sena, had also participated in the protest.

Reacting to the demonstration by slum dwellers, Mishra said,
"The committee had acted according to government procedures. I don`t want to comment on the subject as the matter is subjudice." On May 2 last, five-year-old Budhia hogged national limelight by running a distance of 65 kilometre from Puri to Bhubaneswar in seven hours. Even as athletes and doctors expressed concern over its impact on the health of the child prodigy, the CWC had constituted a four-member medical team to examine Budhia`s health. Sensing trouble, the CWC had also requisitioned a police team to bring the child, who lives in the Gautamnagar slum, to the capital hospital here on May 5. Subsequently, a war of words had broken out between Budhia`s coach and foster father Biranchi Das and Mallick. Based on the doctors` report, the women and child welfare department had moved Orissa High Court to restrain Budhia from running long distance.

Now the case was pending before the Orissa High Court, with Das insisting that "Budhia should be spared to do what he wants."

Bureau Report

Announcement Kalinga news blog

2006-06-18T10:16:00.000+05:30

Hi dear fellow Oriya bhais and bhainas. I have created this blog to talk about Kalinga land and all affairs connected to this.

Pl. do post all your views, news and juicy comments ! Happy blogging!