Not another wedding!

Not another wedding !

The bell rang aloud! A relative had come to invite me to his dear daughter’s marriage. Oh not again! I was sick of attending such parties.

Compared to the simple and delightful ways in which marriages were celebrated a few decades ago, they have now turned into ostentatious occasions, where people vie with each other in a vulgar display of wealth. So many people are invited that it becomes difficult to even stand peacefully without being shoved aside, forget about sitting!

I avoid attending VIP marriages since you are a nonentity in such grand events unless of course you are a cabinet minister, a top babu or the editor of a leading newspaper. You will rarely meet the VIP host prior to or even during the wedding. Certainly, no VIP or his wife will ever visit your humble abode to invite you !

VIPs have a whole army of sidekicks who carry out all chores; from delivery of invitations to greeting guests at the venue. Of course the luminary will come rushing if somebody whispers in his ears that a big shot has arrived! VIPs only deign to greet VIPs! I wonder why they invite ordinary mortals who never get a chance to greet their host.

And I hate the harsh video lights which catch you just as you are going to pop that succulent piece of mutton inside your mouth! You feel like a thief caught stealing. Makes me lose my healthy appetite immediately!

In the not too recent past, we used to enjoy marriage parties. Aunts, sister in laws and grannies used to arrive to advise the anxious mother and the bride about the various elaborate ceremonies, the costume, ornaments, the gifts for the groom’s relatives, etc. It also provided a wonderful opportunity to exchange family gossip and paan!

For 3 - 4 days before the D-day, we used to have mini feasts every day with the noisy kids scampering all around the house. For us, it was an enjoyable holiday as we could escape from boring school lessons!

A marriage ceremony used to be a sort of catwalk, where gawky nubile girls would gingerly wear their first saree which sort of signaled to the world that she was in the “shaadi market”. I remember, how awkward and embarrassed they looked in their inappropriately draped sarees, since the obstinate pallu would keep on slipping despite desperate attempts to keep it in place.

If the proud mama announces that her son had joined the state government as an officer, it would immediately evoke the interest of the gaggle of women with maidens to marry off. At the same time, the poor girl would be wondering if her father could afford the fat dowry which a “sarkari babu” would demand. Ofcourse, nowadays, MBAs and computer guys are preferred, as sarkari babus are passé unless ofcourse they are IAS or IPS !

Sometimes, it is quite a pain to attend 2-3 marriages on a single evening. It is just like going on a Durga Puja mandap tour, hopping from one venue to another! You scarcely get the time to greet people or have a proper bite!

Food is another sore point with me. Wholesome and tasty fare is extinct! I remember the elaborate sit down dinners we used to enjoy a few decades ago. It was a normal 6-7 course tasty Oriya meal with a basic non vegetarian item mostly of fish or mutton.

There are umpteen number of items displayed on the food tables but most of them will be dripping with oil and masala and rarely would one find a tastefully prepared dish high on taste and light on the belly.

I miss the traditional Oriya items like mudhi ghanta, fish mahura, chencheda, mutton curry with potatoes, kheer, fish curry, mango khata, lemon rice, etc due to the onslaught of kitsch food. Nowadays, Punjabi food like Naan, gobi matar, matar paneer, butter chicken find place with ersatz Chinese food like fried rice, chowmein and chilly chicken.

The twin cities have a terrible dearth of professionally competent caterers. They can cause major embarrassment to the host as food is likely to go short, or be of dubious quality and taste. Most hotels in the twin cities serve shoddy and tasteless food, obviously prepared by semi trained cooks. Some like Swosti Plaza serve leftovers of one banquet at the next feast which leads to food poisoning. Never eat there !

Due to limited number of serving tables, crowds swarm around the food tables. Reaching the tables is a task more difficult than climbing Everest! Many a times, I had to return hungry after lying to my solicitous host that I had truly dined well!

The bloody caterers play games to make super profits by ensuring that food intake is reduced. The waiters serve you a single tiny piece of mutton or fish and look the other way if you do not move away! And the bhadralok guests feel embarrassed to ask for more!

I have seen diners milling around food tables with empty plates waiting for second servings. His man assures the guests that fresh servings are on way. What guests do not realize is that this is a carefully orchestrated pantomime! The head waiter would be rushing towards the kitchen shouting at the assistants to bring in food, but nobody would respond. After an endless wait, guests finally leave in disgust!

Want to see how a crowd behaves at a food relief center? Visit the ice cream table in a marriage venue. It is invariably mobbed by a circle of squabbling kids and pushy mamas to get a serving. Why does ice cream fascinate everyone?

Why can’t we have properly organized marriage parties in the twin cities? Let such occasions be truly memorable for the guests who take the pain to accept the invitations!